Ranking the Sports of Our Youth From Best to Worst

Memory lane, the good and the bad.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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No flag-football. No pickup basketball. No beer league softball. Those are all culutrally acceptable for a grown man to play. Today we look back at sports from a bygone age, living the good life catching fireflies and...other things kids like that we've forgotten due to the daily grind of adulthood. Eventually a man needs to let go of his musical chairs and red rover in exchange for stress headaches over bill payments whilst getting his rectum inspected regularly by a butt doctor proctologist. It's the Circle of Life for humans.

Since you're reading this section we assume sports played a heavy role in your youth. You go from playing them, to paying to watch other people play them. Again, Circle of Life. The more you participated in, the better prepared you were for life's lessons. Each one you participated in separated you from your peers, and vice versa. Maybe you found out about karate the hard way by mocking a kid during Social Studies and finding out right before recess that he was the class Tum Tum. It was also probably the first time you ever uttered "Oh, fuck me," under your breath. Having a healthy beating in front of your peers may've been the tutorial you needed in modesty and keeping your mouth shut.

All of these, of course, are subjective. Some of you may've relished "dodgeball day," whilst others feigned an injury. Some of you may've been the Jason Elam of the schoolyard, showing off during kickball, while others were picked last. Some of you may've been the bully, while others were the monkey in the middle. Individual memories may apply. Here are the Sports of Our Youth, Ranked From Best to Worst.

1. Dodgeball

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There's always a movement (see: one, or two, whiny parents) who think dodgeball is too violent a sport for kids to play. It's the same type of crap that ancient Mayan parents probably complained about when their children were playing 'ballgame" with a severed head.

But the greatest game in gym history allowed you to unleash your inherent caveman aggression on the very classmates boning your GPA by setting the curve. It allowed you to target your peers without contributing to a national dialogue on guns. In fact, kids born today may never know the simple joy of firing a gator-skin ball at a colleague from point blank because the PTA is as good at logic as they were at gym. And if the argument is that dodgeball has no practical application, remind us why the hell we ever learned cursive or a2 + b2 = c2.

2. Capture the Flag

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3. Little League Baseball

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4. Street Hockey

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5. Pee Wee Football

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6. Sledding

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7. Miniature Golf

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8. Kickball

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9. Tag

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10. Trampoline Wrestling

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11. Tug-o-war

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12. Karate

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13. Rollerblading

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14. Four Square

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15. Wiffle Ball

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16. Knockout

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17. 500

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18. Smear the (new politically correct term)

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19. Wallball

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20. Pickleball

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21. Tee Ball

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22. Tetherball

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23. Badminton

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24. Sack Racing

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25. Monkey in the middle/Keep Away

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26. Cross Country Running

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