The Social Media Tactics of Your Favorite Scrub Athletes

Image via Complex Original

Most likely to be used by: Wannabe Alpha Dogs without Alpha Dog skills

"A rising tide lifts all boats" is what Mario Chalmers must tell himself when he wakes up in the morning. Better known for being the only player LeBron James has ever unleashed Jordan-like "leadership" qualities on rather than for that one shot at Kansas. Chalmer's life is a constant battle for love and relevance on and off the court. It's still better to be LeBron's whipping post than what he'd be without the Heat, which is irrelevant. But hey, it's not like he's the first American to piggyback off the the success and celebrity of peers to further themselves in life. *flips on Keeping Up With the Kardashians*

Most likely to be used by: Foreigners

Nobody really cares about what Luis Scola is tweeting about in the first place, so the impact of his Spanish-only tweets doesn't register. He could probably get away with confessing to murder on his Twitter if he posted it in Spanish.

Most likely to be used by: JaVale McGee and his disciples

JaVale McGee's Twitter is undoubedtly hilarious, although some of his tweets have a creepy Jaden Smith feel to them. McGee's been out for over a month with a broken leg, so his timeline has been non-stop action. Carry on, Mr. McGee. Carry on.

Most likely to be used by: Hopelessly optimistic contract year players and athletes who have a lot of time on their hands

What better way to garner support and get your name out there than to be relentlessly positive? Fans never want to see negative body language on the field, and that's crossed over into reading negative tweets. Keep predicting an upbeat future, and the RTs will keep flying in.

Most likely to be used by: Athletes who grew up with Shaq Diesel

As the adage goes: rappers wanna be ballers, and ballers wanna be rappers. Hip-hop and sports are forever intertwined, but for the sake of the children, it's best if athletes stay out of the booth. (In the case of Delonte West, please get this man a record deal.)

Most likely to be used by: Athletes who preferred Turtle to Vince on Entourage

To be fair, some credit is due to these guys: they're at least conscious enough to know that their #strugglebars aren't worth the bandwidth. In a post-Broke world, it's actually comforting to know that many more athletes are planning for life after their playing days are over, but a career in hip-hop management probably isn't helping any Roth IRA accounts.

Most likely to be used by: Aspiring ESPN employees  

Now that every major sports league, along with the rest of the world, is up on mobile microblogging, this isn't done anymore. Still, it should be acknowledged that back in the day, athletes could post from wherever, whenever, and about anything, because only a few hundred thousand people (maybe) would even see the post.

Most likely to be used by: Those without a social media mentor

People who still tweet their action and then use hashtags to describe their feelings about said action are over compensating for the fact that they weren't on Twitter when this was a common practice and Facebook was their god. #AnnoyedAndBlogging #RunOnSentencesAreStillSentences

Most likely to be used by: D-League All-Stars and niche sport competitors

Since you can't get any time on the field to suck and make everyone hate you, floating 9/11 conspiracy theories out there works too. It's always mildly entertaining and sometimes enlightening to troll the Internet and read up on different theories for major historical events, but absolutely nobody is trying to hear you go on about it on social media. It's up there with bad selfies, attempted reporting of live news events, and long-winded political arguments as some of the worst social media posts possible.

Most likely to be used by: Athletes who just need "space," future 30 For 30 subjects

Have you every been so embarrassed by a moment that you wanted to shrink into an ant-sized human and hide underneath a crack in the floor? Well that's basically Anthony Bennett's life right now, but as a 6'8" No. 1 overall pick, quitting Twitter was the best he could do as far as becoming an ant goes. 21 games into his pro career and he already looks like the biggest bust in NBA Draft history. It's been that bad for him. Shit, he's hit 18 total shots this season. Hopefully the kid will turn it around (he's regained enough confidence to come back to Twitter), but shit. 18 shots. Damn.

Most likely to be used by: Twitter addicts

Twitter is social crack. Where else can you go to immediately engage with millions of other humans so freely and openly? It's basically a 24/7 break room. Yet when tweets start costing you some serious cash, it's probably smart to just like, chill out and hang out on Reddit for a bit.

Most likely to be used by: Scrubs who are disconnected with reality

To even be considered "bad" at the professional level is quite an accomplishment. For those athletes out there who are one poor practice away from being cut, not seeing any meaningful action must be difficult. Professional athletes have been told all their life how great they are at what they do. They've likely been the best player on their team at some point in their lives. They've always been "the man."

So to suddenly enter the pros and be anointed with a scrub title without even really playing must be hard, but that's where reality has to set in. Unfortunately for some athletes, it never does, and they end up in trouble on social media because of it.

Most likely to be used by: Every athlete

The DM changed the game for millions of athletes the world over. Now that Instagram has introduced a DM feature, it's never been easier to trade nudes. These e-streets must be looking like Sodom and Gomorrah, even for the scrubs.

Most likely to be used by: Football players, the last man on the bench, and (low key) most of the adult male population

Face it: As a male, every Instagram photo you post somehow connects back to your primal desire to get laid. If this isn't the case, this might be you. Athletes, even the scrubs, are still significantly more famous and rich than the average man, compounding their motivations. So long as websites like BallerAlert.com exist, football players in particular will be especially susceptible to the public thirst, since nobody knows what their faces look like unless they're a star.

As a fan, you might know what Trent Richardson looks like when he's running on the field, but when you watch him play, he's wearing a face mask. Odds are, you can't pick him out on the street. Football players want to be noticed by the ladies too, and sometimes the public thirst is the only way.

Most likely to be used by: Sensitive ballers and former greats who aren't used to being suddenly shit on

As Wale will tell you, the worst thing you can do on the Internet is #react. #Reacting usually results in overly emotional and heated exchanges lacking in clarity or logic. Athletes above all should know this, and the best moderate their emotions to not get too high by the cheers and too low from the jeers. It's how the San Antonio Spurs have been consistently amazing since the Clinton administration. They never #react, just win.