An R. Kelly Song for Every NBA Team

Because tracks from Kells speak to the L as much as the ladies. In a ridiculously more awkward way of course.

Not Available Lead
Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Not Available Lead

Today, R. Kelly drops Black Panties, which heavily discusses the ins and outs of sex. See what we did there? Anyway, while the album does feature plenty of raunchy lyrics, Kells is no one-trick pony. He's responsible for five No. 1 solo albums and has won three Grammys. As the singer has proven in the past, R. can reach just about any audience, whether that be the ladies, those folks who are down and out or even NBA teams. Yes, you read that last one right.   

To commemorate the release of Kells' 12th studio album, we search through his catalog to find songs that speak on each franchise in The Association. From "When A Man Lies" for the Cleveland Cavaliers to "The World's Greatest" for the Miami Heat, here's An R. Kelly Song for Every NBA Team

RELATED: Yeezus Lyrics That Reflect the 2012-13 NBA Season

Orlando Magic

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "When A Woman's Fed Up"
Lyric: "I'm standing here looking in the mirror/Saying "damn" to myself/I should have known the day would come"

R. Kelly probably didn't spend too much time mourning the loss of the female subject on this song, because R. Kelly doesn't harp on such matters. Have you heard "Cookie?" Sounds like the type of dude who'd move on. But like Dwight Howard's departure from the Magic, it stings. Orlando will try to right the ship with talents like Victor Oladipo at the helm. They may even become legitimate contenders in a few years and remain as such until another prodigious center signs with them only to leave some time down the line.

Golden State Warriors

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "It Seems Like You're Ready"
Lyric: It seems like you're ready (Seems like you're ready)/Seems like you're ready (Girl, are you ready)/To go all the way, all the way"

Golden State caught the attention of many NBA fans last season by pushing the Spurs to six games in the Western Conference semifinals. With a backcourt Mark Jackson dubbed "the greatest shooting backcourt in NBA history" in Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, the Warriors are arguably the most unstoppable team in the NBA when their shooters get hot. The latest example of their offensive prowess came just last week when the Warriors closed a 27-point deficit to beat the Toronto Raptors. With the offseason signing of Andre Iguodala and the return of a healthy David Lee, the potential is there but are the Warriors ready to be contenders?

Washington Wizards

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Did You Ever Think"
Lyric: "Did you ever think that you would be this rich/Did you ever think that you would have these hits/Did you ever think that you would be the don/Have a crib with a fifty acre lawn"

Playing in his contract year last season, John Wall performed extremely well, averaging 18.5 points, 7.6 assists and four rebounds per game. Those numbers convinced the Washington Wizards to offer Wall a max deal of $80 million over five years. Only four seasons removed from Kentucky, the 23-year-old is getting paid and still doing his thing out on the court. While his numbers haven't translated to wins for the Wiz, you gotta respect the guy for not falling back after inking such a huge contract.

Sacramento Kings

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Love Letter"
Lyric: "Long time, no see, back together you and me"

With the help of former NBA player and mayor Kevin Johnson, Sacramento fought hard to prevent the Kings franchise from relocating to Seattle. In the end, Sac-Town got their mediocre team back. Congrats?

Utah Jazz

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "U Saved Me"
Lyric: "See, I was drinking while I was driving/Never thinking 'bout what I was doing"

In an effort to hopefully secure the first overall pick in next year's NBA Draft, the Utah Jazz are playing absolutely terrible basketball and currently have the worst record in the league at 4-19. So, Jazz fans, start drinking now because Riggin' for Wiggins means that the next couple of months are going to be rough to watch.

Milwaukee Bucks

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Heart Of A Woman"
Lyric: Sometimes I think that we're the reason why y'all be stressing out and smoking cigarettes/mmm, yes I do/And sometimes I think we're the reasons y'all be snapping off on your kids and having fits/somebody feel me?"

Look at the Bucks' record and you'll understand why their fans randomly snap at their young'ns.

Portland Trail Blazers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "The Storm Is Over"
Lyric: "Every now and then/I felt like I would lose my mind/I've been racin' for years/And still no finish line"

LaMarcus Aldridge has played his entire career with the Portland Trail Blazers. Aldridge was there for the highs, which included three straight playoff appearances from 2008-10, to the lows when the Trail Blazers finished under .500 in each of the last two seasons. Over the summer, it looked like the bad moments started to weigh on LaMarcus because rumors circulated that the 28-year-old wanted out of Portland. But Aldridge stuck around and the Blazers are off to an amazing 18-4 start. So far, it looks like he made the right choice. 

Minnesota Timberwolves

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Don't Let Go"
Lyric: "Although we come from two different worlds, oh/Baby, that doesn't matter to me 'cause my world is you, yeah/Whose gonna doubt that we would get this far"

Kevin Love and Ricky Rubio come from opposite sides of the world. Love was born in Santa Monica, Calif. while Rubio hails from El Masnou, Spain. Still, both guys fluently speak the universal language of basketball.

Memphis Grizzlies

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "The Greatest Sex"
Lyric: "And the secret places on you will be found/Like a voyage when the storm begins to roar/There's no telling what this night could have in store"

You never know what you're going to get from the Grizzlies. Sometimes they get the upper hand and kick teams, like the Clippers, out of the playoffs. Sometimes they get swept. Sometimes someone has to get fondled. Regardless, the Grizzlies franchise has rarely looked this good. Forget about Vancouver.

Boston Celtics

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Fireworks"
Lyric: "It's a new day and I feel good/If I wanna spread my wings/I know that I could/I got a feeling that tonight begins/A healing where we all win"

The Boston Celtics are in full rebuilding mode, but you probably couldn't tell after noticing that the C's are in first place in the terrible Atlantic division. With unfamiliar faces all on the sidelines, including their first-year head coach Brad Stevens, the 10-12 Celtics' plan have shown that this new chapter for the organization may actually not be as bad as what people initially thought.  

Chicago Bulls

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Happy People"
Lyric: "Even when it seems with goin' through some hard times, what do we do?/Keep smiling, 'cause we know, we're gonna make it through"

How can we link "Happy People" to the Bulls? Let us explain. The Bulls lost Derrick Rose to yet another devastating knee injury. Chicago made it to the conference semifinals without Rose last year. The Bulls have the pieces to remain competitive in this year's Eastern Conference and though losing the face of their franchise seems like the end of the world they could always be the Knicks.

Atlanta Hawks

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "The Return"
Lyric: "In this arena, arena/All we wanna see is them hands up, hands up"

This is something pretty much what most Hawks players and fans would love to see. Extra hands are going to be hard to come by, however, since Atlanta is usually in the lower half of the league when it comes to home game attendance.

Cleveland Cavaliers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "When A Man Lies"
Lyric: "While he's making sweet love to her mind and selling big dreams/Yeah, that's what he do/Boy he can paint the scene/With every word out of his mouth"

The city of Cleveland has been through this song and dance before. Their best player sweet talks them into believing what they have is too special to just up and leave. Then, the next thing you know, the Cavaliers franchise guy heads off to greener pastures. In 2010, Cavs fans experienced the heartbreak of seeing LeBron James leave on ESPN, and now they are going through the same courting process again with Kyrie Irving. So far, Kyrie has said he isn't going anywhere but Cavs fans have heard that lie before.

Denver Nuggets

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Feelin' Single"
Lyric: "She said "forever"/turned out to be the biggest lie, of all time/and she changed my weather, yeah/rainin' all day,no chance of sunshine"

Last season, the Nuggets had a solid, experienced head coach in George Karl and a strong starting five, consisting of Andre Iguodala. The team seemed destined for big things when the playoffs rolled around, but then, the Warriors came along and stunned them in seven games. When the series concluded, Warriors head coach Mark Jackson alluded to Denver's plan to hurt Stephen Curry. It sounded crazy but it was actually kinda true. But how did they know that? There must've been a mole on the team. A couple of months later, Iguodala fittingly decides to go to Golden State over staying with the Nuggets. So, was Iggy the mole? Karl sure thinks so.

Phoenix Suns

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "I'm Your Angel"
Lyric: "And then you will see the morning will come/And every day will be bright as the sun/All of your fears cast them on me I just want you to see"

Let's hear it for Phoenix basketball Jesus Jeff Hornacek. A myriad of changes came after the Jazz guard turned head coach signed with Phoenix. They included a new logo, new jerseys, plenty of new roster additions, and-perhaps most importantly-the numbers on the win-loss column. The Suns are currently on the verge of a winning record after spending a few years at or below .500. Perhaps the future is as bright as the team name suggests.

Detroit Pistons

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "I Can't Sleep Baby"
Lyric: "I must have been crazy/To say that it was over/I had to be a fool/To yell out we were through"

The Detroit Pistons haven't been in the playoffs since 2009 when they were swept by the Cavs. This year they're 10-11 which in the D-Lea, uh, we mean Eastern Conference is good enough for fifth-seed. Depending on the play of new additions like Josh Smith and Brandon Jennings, the Pistons could see themselves in a similar position come April. Between that and the Lions clinging to a division lead, the people of Detroit could have a couple things to be merry about this holiday.

Philadelphia 76ers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Peace"
Lyric: "There's no telling/When the sun will shine again, no"

At the beginning of the season everyone got excited about the start Michael Carter-Williams and the 76ers were off too. Well, everyone except for us. That 3-0 start looked great, but so does that potato salad in the first half hour of the family reunion barbecue. Just over a month later and Philly is 7-15. Anything beats having Andrew Bynum stumble around aimlessly in his house slippers last season but this year isn't looking much brighter. Tank for Wiggins!

Los Angeles Clippers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Number One"
Lyric: "And them haters, they gon' hate/But we just gon' keep on blowin' up/'Cause girl, they gon' hate, anyway"

The Clippers won their first divisional title in franchise history last season. However, they also were bounced in the first round by the Memphis Grizzlies. If the team formerly known as Lob City wants haters to get off their backs after hanging nothing but selfies in the rafters, then this is the year for them to make a big stride. With Doc Rivers at helm this may be the year where the Clippers step out of the Lake Show's shadow and become a serious contender in the Western Conference.

Dallas Mavericks

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Bad Man"
Lyric: "You see really I don't give a damn what you may think of me (That's right you're a bad ass nigga)/I'ma do what I'ma do, I'ma say what I'ma say (You think you're a bad ass nigga)"

When you talk about the Dallas Mavericks, you gotta bring up their owner Mark Cuban, who believes in Kells' philosophy that "I'ma say what I'ma say." Unfortunately, though, that mentality by Cuban has cost him around $1,665,000 in fines from the NBA. So, maybe Cuban should start caring. Just a little bit.

Indiana Pacers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "I Believe I Can Fly"
Lyric: "I believe I can fly/I believe I can touch the sky/I think about it every night and day/Spread my wings and fly away"

After coming thisclose to an NBA Finals appearance last season, the Pacers wholeheartedly believe that this year is their year. Only a couple weeks into the 2013-14 season, Indiana has a league-best 18-3 record and they definitely look like they are the real deal.

Toronto Raptors

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Prayer Changes"
Lyric: "And every night I cry myself to sleep from all the pain/And the more I prayed for sunny days it seemed to rain"

Next year marks the 20th anniversary of the Toronto Raptors. It could also mark the franchise's 20th straight year without a championship or Finals appearance. In their history, the Raptors have made it past the first round once. This lack of success could cause their die-hard fans to get emotional over the thought that there isn't a title run in the cards for this team. Oh, and you can't talk emotions and Raptors without bringing up their new global ambassador, Drake.

Charlotte Bobcats

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Gotham City (Remix)"
Lyric: "I ain't got no money/And I ain't got no friends/Looks like my world is coming to an end"

The Charlotte Bobcats are just plain bad. Sure, they're playing better this season, but eventually, everything will fall in its rightful place. That includes the Bobcats becoming the cellar dwellers of their division. Next year, Charlotte will go back to the nickname Hornets with the hopes that a new yet familiar look will revitalize this ailing franchise. However, with Al Jefferson taking up one-third of their team salary and the little problem that no one wants to play for Charlotte, the soon-to-be Hornets are destined for a tough road ahead.

Oklahoma City Thunder

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Slow Wind"
Lyric: "The time has come to show and prove/I've seen enough, I wanna feel the truth"

Thunder fans are done with the notion of "a solid season." They're ready for that elusive chip. Two years ago plans got derailed by the Miami Heat, last season it was Russell Westbrook's injury that took them out of contention. There's no reason why a completely healthy OKC squad should be satisfied with anyting less than the Larry O'Brien trophy.

New Orleans Pelicans

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Step In The Name of Love"
Lyric: "You can change the frame but the picture remains the same"

The New Orleans Pelicans era is underway this season. And things started off well. After making deals for Jrue Holiday and Tyreke Evans, the Pelicans looked poised to make a run at the Western Conference playoffs. Then, Anthony Davis suffered a broken bone in his hand, causing him to miss anywhere from six to eight weeks. In addition, Evans is now battling an injury that may keep him out for a week or two. After a decent start to the year, the Pelicans have become the Hornets all over again. New year, same shit.

Los Angeles Lakers

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Radio Message"
Lyric: "And I'm lost without you/'Cause I'm all about you"

As much as people link Kobe Bryant to the team's success, the truth is the franchise hasn't won a playoff series since 1998 without Phil Jackson leading the way. Yeah, the Black Mamba has made his Christ-like return but the Lake Show 2.0 needs great head coaching like R. Kelly needs a woman on this track.

San Antonio Spurs

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time"
Lyric: "Funny, funny how time goes by/And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye"

The Spurs still pine for the glory years of the early 2000s, where the only thing standing in their way of the trophy was Ben Wallace and the Pistons. More importantly, they long for the days of a young Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and the return Big Shot Rob.

Miami Heat

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "The World's Greatest"
Lyric: "I'm that star up in the sky/I'm that mountain peak up high/Hey, I made it/I'm the world's greatest"

What else can be said about the back-to-back reigning world champions? They may not have the best record as of right now (we see you, Portland, Indiana, and San Antonio), but we guarantee no team wants to face them come playoff time.

Houston Rockets

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "My Story"
Lyric: "Came from humble beginnings now I'm cocky with my spending"

In three years, the Rockets went from a team trying to fill voids left by T-Mac and Yao, to a team redefined by new, exciting talent. The Rockets now boast a back court of Jeremy Lin and James Harden and a front court headlined by Dwight Howard. They spent their money now we will see if they did it wisely. Western Conference Finals or bust.

New York Knicks

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "Thoia Thoing"
Lyric: "We make a lot of noise/When, we come through the club/All of the ladies in the house/Come show your boy some love"

J.R. Smith. Is there anything else that really needs to be said? To be honest, it isn't all his fault. From Iso Melo to Mike Woodson's struggle faces to the fact that Amar'e is the third-highest paid player in the league today despite averaging just 15 MPG. Oh yeah, there's also all of the Andrea Bargnani GIFs. Hit the club, J.R. There's no reason in trying to resist at this point.

Brooklyn Nets

Not Available Interstitial

Song: "I Wish"
Lyric: "Y'all look at me and say boy you've been blessed/But y'all don't see the inside of my unhappiness"

Nets' fans were in a frenzy over the summer acquisitions. Analysts considered them among the best in the East. For the first time other teams may have been jealous of what the Nets have, but then the season began. Don't read the roster, or look on the court, just look at Nets fans as they watch a Nets game and you will see the "unhappiness."

Latest in Sports