What the Type of Car You Drive Says About You

Image via Complex Original

You're at a stage where you really just want to enjoy life as much as possible. And if people notice you more, that's definitely a perk. More often than not, you really like going fast and feeling speed, but you're not so serious that you'd ever want to legitimately race a car or alter it for the track.

You really enjoy automotive history. People who like and drive muscle cars tend to really love the mechanical aspects of an automobile, particularly if they're big block engines. You probably do all the repairs and maintenance in the comfort of your own tool-laced garage that has rock band posters (or maybe Farrah Fawcett?), and your favorite sound on the planet is a throaty idle. Thinking about the future puts tears in your eyes, because you know what upcoming fuel reglations will do to the true spirit of brute power.

That, or you're just a huge douche who is trying to look cool. 

The crossover, or CUV, driver is a bit tough to peg, considering just about everybody is buying them right now. There's a good chance that you're a mother who formerly owned a minivan or conversion van, and now that the kids have grown up a bit, you don't need the space for long family roadtrips anymore. You have a job in town, and a compact utlity vehicle is perfect for the amount of food from the local farmer's market that you pick up each week. Or maybe you're a newly wed couple that has just closed on a house, and has no money, therefore needing something with great gas mileage (but you'll use that to pretend that you care about the environment, too).

The obvious call here is that you're a mom. Probably a mom who unintentionally knows all of the characters in the Kung Fu Panda television show, who knows exactly how to cut an orange so that there is none of that nasty white crap on it, who is a regular at three different Starbucks, and whose only time alone is the shower. But we have to be more specific here. If you're still driving a minivan, either you're a teenage kid who has to borrow the "family car" that has been in the driveway for 10 years now, or you're not just a mom, but an old mom. Nobody drives minivans anymore. All the moms these days are in all of those "UVs," more often than not with a "C" in front of it rather than an "S." They've become obsolete.

If you own a supercar, you probably have a couple house options for where to park it, you possibly own a collection of one specific type of alcohol of your choice, you have an attractive partner, because money, and you can get into whatever events you want to. Let's just hope you appreciate the fine piece of machinery you have at your disposal. 

The hybrid doesn't have quite the stigma it had even a couple years ago, with multiple companies introducing hybrid tech into sports and supercars. However, the general idea is still pretty much that you're trying to be evironmentally proactive, and you  think that global warming is real, and that, if we don't get off dependence of oil within the next 20 years, this planet will be ruined. You're also probably financially conscious (as a lot of people are these days concerning gas), and you don't want your hard-earned cash literally burning through your engine.

Oh, the SUT, the sport utility truck. Not quite a truck. Not quite an SUV. You just couldn't settle on one gas guzzler, could ya. You had to take both types of fuel-gulping vehicles and mash 'em together for what exactly? Nobody actually uses the truck beds in a Hummer H2 truck or a Cadillac EXT. They aren't really even big enough to do anything with them? So why'd you get it? Probably just because you liked the look. And that's an expensive taste to have, making you a pretty vain person.

You're either some type of construction worker or contractor or you're just another dumb American who likes trucks for the same reason he or she liked the Double Down sandwich from KFC. Full-size trucks can be extremely useful (for people who actually use them for huge jobs on a regular basis), but the fact of the matter is that most guys in the U.S. buy them because they just like a big, brash, domineering vehicle that potrays how awesomely masculine they are. They love hearing about and talking about how much it can tow and what the payload is (go ask 10 people who own trucks what that means. $10 that 8/10 don't have a clue), when in reality, the biggest jobs for that truck all year will be transporting the push mower to your mom's house to cut the grass and fitting Frosty, a nativity set and light-up candle Christmas decorations all in one bed.

You truly love driving for the sake of driving. The car is your favorite place to be. It's where you feel at home, and where you never have a missed connection (just a cylinder misfire). You enjoy tinkering with camber, the most important numbers to you aren't financial planning, they're lap times, and you know every spec of the car like it's the alphabet. Either that or you're a kid who just got your license and liked the way it looked or you're an older gentleman who has been saving up to buy your dream car (we'll throw out Corvette as an example) your entire life, and now that you're able, you use it for the exact opposite purpose that it was built for: Sunday cruises with your wife (nothing wrong with that).

You're all about power and being in charge. You feel like you need to see over everybody in order to really have control of the road, and if that means spending $20 each time you drive, just from idling, so be it.

You're probably blue collar and you're maybe a little smarter (in an economic sense) than all the guys who drive enormous F-150s as an everyday vehicle. You're constantly doing various jobs around the house, whether it's remodeling your bathroom, building a shed in the backyard, or fixing that old go-kart you found at a yard sale for $50. You drink your coffee black, you probably have a loyal pup who stays by your side, and you'll never understand why people can't legally just ride in the truck bed everywhere you go. Also, you love NASCAR and want to marry Jana Kramer. 

You're a very logical and sensical person. You don't take a lot of risks, and you see your vehicle as a way to get from point A to point B. Saving money is always the better decision, and punctuality is a high priority. 

Considering these aren't sold in the U.S. (save for the El Camino back in the day), you're foreign. You're probably just an everyday worker who occasionally has jobs that require some space for hauling supplies for a project. Because you're not dumb like a lot of people in the U.S., you know that you don't have to be sitting up higher than a tree to get the most out of a truck bed.

"Oh, you think wagons look funny? Well, when I can fit just as much stuff into my car as you can in your enormous, gas-guzzling SUV, who is going to be laughin' then?"

Full-on conversion vans are almost as exctinct as Sprinklins yogurt, 3D Doritos and Oreo O's cereal. There are still a few stragglers hanging around, so you could consider them to be an endangered auto. If you're still driving a conversion van, you're most likely in a band, a hippie, broke or are still just way too obsessed with the idea of a back seat that folds into a bed. Or maybe you're all four. These vans used to be the ultimate road trip vehicle, we know from personal experience, but they're nothing but washed up anymore, leaving a huge gap for the expansion of CUVs and Sprinter vans.

Your middle name is practicality. And your three kids' middle names are Allison, Robert, and Paul. You highly value dependability and safety, and you look forward to actually being able to pay off your car at a reasonable point in your life. You love the carpool lane, your refrigerator is probably litered with drawings and coupons, and your weekends are always filled with something you planned three weeks ago.