The Most Ridiculous Custom Lawn Mowers

Image via Complex Original

You can declare war on weeds, on that overgrown patch of grass where the cat always poops, and best of all, the nasty rodents that have overrun your yard. Make sure there are some potent poison bombs loaded in this sucker. 

You're not a real action sports athlete until you aerate your yard one of these puppies. Just, whatever you do, make sure your pets are locked away in your house. That could get ugly. 

Yes, this was seriously a riding lawnmower at one point or another. Until it was turned into the most badass toy since the amazing baby-toting apache helicopter Halloween costume. We have a feeling this kid will learn road rage at a verrrrry early age. 

This looks as much like a small Chevy truck as Megan Fox looks like the proper person to play April in the new Ninja Turtles. And just so we're clear that means not at all. 

Why do men always build the most phallic-looking creations, when they're trying to do the most hypermasculine things? And why do hicks build some of the most inventive rides we've ever seen? And why do we want to ride this so badly? We imagine there's a YouTube video on it somewhere waiting for Tosh's commentary. 

Two of our favorite smells are fresh-cut grass and and the smell of roasting meat on a grill. The fact that this combines two of the manliest things you can do while emitting both of those smells, all while looking like something that Binford would have built for Tim Taylor makes this one of the most Godly creations we've ever seen. 

Men reaching their mid-life-crisis stage in their lives usually go for vintage cars. Now they can go for vintage-car-looking lawn mowers too. This thing is incredible. 

Had the Jetsons become real people and built lawnmowers, it'd probably end up looking like this. Or it'd just be a little ray gun that you point at your lawn press one button, and it vaporizes the grass to the exact height you set it to. 

Using an XS650 Engine for your lawn mower = Obliterating your lawn, intimidating your neighbors, burning your leg, and being every hick's hero all at the same time. 

You could tune in for the next episode of Banshee or you could buy your very own Amish horse-mower. We just have one question: Why is he not riding the horse? 

Had Lance Armstrong just been training like this all along, maybe he wouldn't have had to take 'roids. Then again, maybe he would have taken more, this looks ridiculously difficult. 

All this time, we thought we had to go it alone, when the obvious solution was right there all along. Perfect for the ultimately lazy and significantly bored. 

This eco-friendly hipster lawn-mower can also be a cute, cuddly, but who said that the rabbit was speedy? You might want to attach some cup holders to that thing, 'cause this could take a while. 

Some people just want to go fast. All the time. Even when cutting grass. 

This looks like something you'd drive right after you finished taking the tour of the golden geese, seeing where everlasting gobstoppers were made, and watching oompa loompas do whatever oompa loompas do. 

Have you ever seen a better definition of the term "hog?" There's even a second seat, just in case your babe (pun intended) wants to hop on back and take a ride with you. 

This is its own entire breed of riding lawnmowers. The amount of power that people are able to get out of (or put into) mowers is incredible, and an entire sport has been born from the custom machines. 

The Bat Mower: conquerer of summer grass, defender of American suburbia.