A Guide to Outsmarting the Police

Smarter than your average pig.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Nothing makes takes your day from bad to worse quite like a visit from the fuzz. As you are (probably) generally a law abiding citizen, the only time you cross paths with Johnny Law is for offenses like speeding, blowing through a stop sign, or having your tail light out. Before you know it, you’re slightly wiser and a few hundred dollars lighter in the wallet.

What can you do to avoid the tyranny of the highway patrolman, besides, you know, following the law? Listen here you wannabe outlaw, today’s your lucky day. We’ve got some tips that are going to help you avoid the long arm of the law when committing the most petty of offenses. If you’ve got a kilo of cocaine in the trunk, we can’t help you there, but we can help you avoid that speeding ticket. This is your Guide to Outsmarting the Police.

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Map the Speed Traps

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Find A Rabbit

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Don't Hang Out in the Left Lane

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Slow Down When Passing Median Cutouts

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Don't Drive Like A Dick

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Buy A Radar Detector (Where Legal)

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Be Nondescript

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Ask Questions

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Keep Contact and Put Off that Court Date

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Plead "Not Guilty" and Show Up For Your Court Date

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