Where do we start with this? Someone in Richmond is selling a car on Craigslist that they have listed as a "1982 Pontiac Le Mans Lincoln Maruder," whatever that means. The description of the $9999 car is hands-down the greatest bit of writing of all time. The seller starts off by referring to his ride as a "poon peach," assuring potential buyers that it will "wow all the ladies and gentleman alike." The rest of the listing outlines all the problems with the car (besides the Fruity Pebbles paintjob) but also continues to hilariously pitch it like its the best car in the world. We won't spoil it all for you because you really should read it yourself, but here are some of the highlights: the wheels haven't been aligned "since Jesus walked the Earth," it doesn't need a tune-up because it runs on "hopes and dreams," the frame is rusty, and "2k watts of trunk rattling glory" drown out the sound of your leaky exhaust and squeaky ball joints.

For God's sake, please go read this now while you can because "someone with taste is gonna jump all over this shiz nit."

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[via Craigslist]