Sport: Soccer
Team: Olympique de Marseille
Hateful lowlight: Knocking Manchester City teammate Ousmane Dabo unconscious on the training ground, resulting in a four month suspended sentence, £128,000 in fines, and two separate suspensions from the club and the Football Association.

Joey Barton easily has the longest rap-sheet of any player on this list. His first bit of trouble as a professional came back in 2004, when he encited a ten-man brawl during a friendly after hitting an opposing player. Since then, he's been a whirling dervish of trouble, drinking, and violence. He's stubbed lit cigars in teammates eyes during Christmas parties, run over pedestrians with his car in Liverpool, punched out men at bars in the Liverpool city centre, mooned Everton fans during matches, and beaten up Everton fans while in Thailand.

Most recently—and this is what got him virtually thrown out of English football—he tried to take on the entire Manchester City team during a match on some Rambo shit. Barton elbowed Carlos Tevez, kicked Sergio Aguero, tried to head-butt Vincent Kompany, and nearly brawled with Mario Balotelli before being literally dragged off the pitch. My word. Overall, his actions throughout his career have cost him 77 days of jail time, millions of dollars in fines, and dozens of games lost to suspension. (We didn't even get into his numerous wars of words with managers, teammates, other players, media members, and Twitter followers.)

It's a miracle that Barton hasn't been deported yet. He's was loaned out to French club Olympique de Marseille last season, and for the safety of the British people, we hope that he stays across the English channel for good.