8 Jobs For Tim Tebow After the NFL

Image via Complex Original

As it has become customary for former celebrities looking to extend their fame just a little while longer (we see you, Ray J), Tebow will eventually find himself hosting a dating reality show on VH1. With Timmy's virginity being as widely discussed as his inability to throw a football, why not set the premise around a guy looking for that special someone who will pop his cherry? 

As the opening credits roll, "I Hit It First" will play in the background and throughout every episode, you'll learn a new Bible passage, laugh, cry, and possibly, find God again.

If Tebow wants to have any shot at being a starting quarterback in a respectable league he better head north. When you think of the greatest CFL quarterbacks of all time, Warren Moon and Doug Flutie come to mind. It doesn't seem like Tebow's going to turn into the fullback a few teams in the NFL reportedly want him to be so a move to the CFL seems to be his best bet.

*Wonders who we'll draft first now that the Messiah is out of the league* Wait, do they have a CFL fantasy league?

These two love each other like a fat kid loves cake. Skip has been his biggest supporter and for that Tebow owes him. If it weren't for ESPN, Tebow would be just another back-up quarterback at this point. Skip can help Tim conquer Augusta given his vast knowledge of everything, you know, since Skip is always right and shit.

After a loss to Mississippi at the beginning of the 2008 season, Tim Tebow gave a speech to Gator nation apologizing for not going undefeated. The Gators went on to win the national championship and the speech was immortalized on a plaque outside of the football facility at Florida field. Quite amazing.

If Tebow can do that for his teammates and the Flordia fan base, just imagine what he can do for you. That lack of motivation during the hours spent locked down in the cube? Gone. That addiction to Oxys and hookers? So long. Your new boring ass righteous highly productive life? Hello! If dude talked himself into the pros and into believing he was actually a quality QB, he can surely give you all the motivation you need. Move over, Anthony Robbins.

One day, while visiting a U.S. Olympic training facility, Tebow will be coerced into giving shot put a try. After years of struggling to toss a light, oblong ball for years, Tim will find it extremely easy to hurl a heavy, rounded sphere, especially with such little concern for accuracy.

Similar to his football playing days, Tebow's first couple of throws will suck but he'd turn it around toward the end and somehow make it on the Olympic team as a reserve, thanks to pressure from his new-found fan base. Unfortunately, though, the shot put coach doesn't give him a single throw during the competition, leaving the camera crew with just several shots of him Tebowing.

The newspaper industry is dead? Who cares! Tim Tebow would knock out two birds with one stone by both perfecting his throwing motion and reviving the print industry.

Ladies, would order a newspaper subscription if a shirtless Tim Tebow was delivering them each morning? #dontlie #thethirstisreal

Isn't he already one? Being that he might not have a job as a player in the NFL, Tebow will set his sights on cleansing America of sin. His stage show will be complete with healings and snake charmers all for a small fee. He will also end each sermon with his famous pose.

Why not? This is what people do in the ratchet capital of the world that is Florida, right? After all, he is a Gator at heart. How awesome would it be to be visiting the Everglades a couple years from now and see a former NFL player place his head on a gator's tongue so he can pay his rent? This answer is an emphatic, VERY.

Sidebar: We realize that's a crocodile in the photo. No word on whether Tebow's for gay marriage but he's all about equal opportunity reptile wrasslin'.