What Your Air Freshener Says About You

Image via Complex Original

What It Says: You're more boring than a 6th-grade documentary.

Sorry, but it's the truth. You could have picked anything—an ironic flat representation of fuzzy dice, a velociraptor, or a depiction of Hemmingway—but you didn't. You just grabbed the one that looks most like the first result on Google for "car air freshener," and for this we condem both you and your Consumer Reports-recommended Japanese mid-size sedan with no options as boring. 

What It Says: You're really susceptible to advertising and you love the smell of harsh cleaning fluids.

You're also always strutting purposefully into rooms that smell just fine and covering them in a noxious cloud of Fresh Island Meadow of Freshy Freshness With Fresh Falling Leaves or some crap like that. We know it's hard to believe, but the world smelled better without you.

What It Says: You picked the strongest scent to try to hide something

We know that you left your car out in the sun after spilling milk on that raccoon carcass that was attracted by your three-week-old Taco Bell leftovers, and the $28.74 you spent on air fresheners isn't helping. Now your car just smells like death, diarrhea, and failure. Get it professionally cleaned, dude.

What It Says: You drive a Lamborghini, most of the world hates you for assaulting Rhianna, and you still get to play naked with Rihanna ...

OR

You're a really devoted sneakerhead and an Air Jordan fan.

What It Says: You have an image to uphold.

You spend a lot of your time watching porn, but you also wear a tie regularly and like Humphrey Bogart. You have an image and a reputation to protect, so you skipped over the explicit air freshener for this. You might be a bit desperate and thirsty, but at least you're respectable.

What It Says: You're single. 

And you'll remain so. You also spend way too much time looking at the "Saturday Night Sexy" section on 2DopeBoyz.com. At least you'll always have Sasha Grey, or in this case, Rosa Acosta. 

What It Says: You love your dog more than your mom and imaginary significant other combined. 

You buy your dog sweaters and somehow manage to use the pseudo-word "snookums" more than the word "the." Despite taking your dog everywhere, including businesses that explicitly forbid dogs, it's a fat little beast because it's always in a bag or, god forbid, a stroller. Nobody likes you, but you'll always have companionship.

What It Says: You really want to have your 15 minutes of internet fame.

Well, here you go, we're posting your picture online. Your car smells appetizing, but not good. At all. We're also guessing you're the type of dude that legitimately thinks he was the first person to think of the idea of beer in his Cheerios. 

What It Says: You're a college freshman and your mom gave you her car.

It doesn't really feel like you own it yet, and you still call it "mom's car." Because of this, you still have your emergency lipstick in the glove box, a bumper sticker that informs everybody that you were an honor student in middle school, and this ancient, scent-free air freshener. Have fun trying to get play from the freshmen ladies in that, homie. 

What It Says: You love and respect your car.

This means that you clean your car, don't let rats form nests in the back seats or leave cheese products under the seats for months at a time. If the air gets a little stale, you crack a window for a little while. Your car smells just fine, because it's clean. We like you. Go to Dairy Queen and get yourself a celebratory treat.