Road rage, like alcohol and drugs, is your choice. You're the one letting the outside elements affect you. You're letting yourself bubble up into a geyser of rage, and you're the one acting on that burst. Also, like alcohol and drugs, this is a problem that can be worked on, and eventually fixed. We'd like to introduce you to the 12-Step Guide To Overcoming Road Rage, with the lovely assistance of a few comical GIFs. We've taken the normal 12-step guide from Alcoholics Anonymous and adapted it for those who always have a baseball bat ready in their trunk and occasionally get a cramp in their middle fingers. Accept our help and read.
Related: The 50 Craziest Road Rage Videos
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over road rage -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over road rage -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
Translation: Maybe the only way for me to get through this is if I just let a higher being take over and calm my nerves. We're going to want to rip people's heads off regardless, and I know that. That's just how it is, because people are stupid and make me mad.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Translation: Maybe the only way for me to get through this is if I just let a higher being take over and calm my nerves.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Translation: We understand him as a total gearhead, which means that he'll obviously feel our pain of dudes cutting us off, using their right blinkers when they're turning left, and treating the gas pedal like it's a wack-a-mole game. He'll know what to do.
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Translation: Awesome car? Check! Awesome driver? Check! Full tank of gas? Check! Working blinkers? Check! Sunnies? Check! Ready to go. Wait, those are all moral things, right?
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Translation: Yeah, that was me. My bad.
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Translation: Okay, sure, dude, do what you gotta do. I'll just sit here and let you do your thang.
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Translation: Huh? What shortcomings?
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Translation: Oh trust me, I've made a list. A list of all the people to stay the hell away from when I'm on the road. Oh, but yes, hey Bill! Sorry I threatened to cut your above-ground pool in half with a chainsaw last weekend!
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injur them or others.
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Translation: Look, guys, c'mon, I'm just here to apologize. I just want to give you all hugs. No, you have nothing to worry about, I left the golf clubs back in the car. Plus, you're not in a car, so you can't make me angry. Guys, okay, this isn't funny anymore just let me give you a hug. GUYS, A HUG NOW, before I take my fist and do some artistic arrangements of your face!
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Translation: Alright, maybe we shouldn't have run that dude into a ditch, but there was totally hay at the bottom.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Translation: Please, God, please. Please let me stay calm when there are so many friggin' dumbasses on the road in their stupid Hummers with 18 subwoofers in them and Bro Montanas on their motorcycles wearing flip-flops, no helmet and riding in between cars. Please keep me calm in my time of need.
Step 12: Having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to road ragers and to practice these principles in all our afairs.
Step 12: Having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to road ragers and to practice these principles in all our afairs.
Translation: I am a new person! Well done to me, and me and also me.
