Doug and Jackie Christie's relationship stories have become a gossip rag staple and if they're even half true, those two share the weirdest bond this side of Eminem and Kim. Jackie's leash on Doug is notoriously tight with widely reported stories of his not being allowed to make eye contact with other women, answer questions from female reporters, and the requirement that he acknowledge her during games with a hand gesture.

In a concerted effort towards losing all of their friends, the couple remarry every year with a large ceremony complete with guests. In 2012, the pair announced plans to produce an adult film because, you know, there's not enough weird porn on the Internet.

But the cornerstone of their bizarre relationship occurred during an infamous dinner date in '08. Supposedly, Doug began choking on a chicken bone when his wife called out for help. Help arrived in the form of a female physician who was beaten away with Jackie's purse before she could apply first aid. After his near-death experience, Doug was quoted as saying, "[I'm] glad that my wife spared me the indignity of having another woman give me the Heimlich.” Where's John Witherspoon when you need him?