10 Things That Will Happen When the Lakers' Season Implodes

These are bound to happen sooner rather than later.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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The 2012-13 Los Angeles Lakers were supposed to be a team to compare with the '00-02 championship squads, if not the best team in the NBA. Instead, they're a train wreck on top of a car wreck with a plane crashing into that. Steve Nash got hurt, Mike Brown got fired, Pau Gasol got demoted, Dwight Howard got scared, and Kobe Bryant must be on the verge of either a nervous breakdown or a homicidal rampage. Or at the very least a very public "trade that guy now!" rant. As of right now the Mike D'Antoni-led squad is on the outside looking in at the Western Conference playoff race, and were things to stay this way — hey, at least they beat Utah the other night — one would expect there to be some very ugly consequences. Here's 10 Things That Will Happen When the Lakers' Season Implodes

Bill Simmons orgasms to death.

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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar demands that his statue be taken down.

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Justin Timberlake gives up courtside seats...to Joey Fatone.

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Phil Jackson's agent submits salary requirements of $2.6 billion over three years. With a team option.

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The Lakers announce they're moving to New Jersey.

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Metta World Peace changes his name to "F*ck You, Assholes."

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Magic Johnson claims he was a Celtics fan all along.

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Commissioner Stern awards Steve Nash the first-ever honorary NBA title.

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Dwight Howard demands a trade to Disney World.

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Kobe actually throws a teammate under the bus.

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