We're not in the business of stealing. But, if we were, we like to think that we'd be pretty good at it. For instance, if we were to, say, break into the Seattle Mariners team store, we would: A) Bring something better than a small rock to bust in the front door, B) Steal Felix Hernandez jerseys as opposed to discounted Ichiro jerseys, and C) Be aware of the fact that there might just be a camera right outside the store and avoid facing it while committing the crime.

Then again, websites, books, and TV shows devoted to stupid criminals exist for a reason. SMH. Add this fella to the list.

RELATED: The 100 Greatest Athletes of the Complex Decade

[via Big League Stew]