The 25 Worst Michael Jordan Rap References of All Time

Happy Birthday, Michael Jordan!

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Complex Original

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Today marks the 49th birthday of the greatest basketball player to ever live. Over the years, hip-hop has had an infatuation with His Airness. From Jigga claiming to be his heir apparent to Biggie putting on a show like him. MJ has been mentioned in rhymes since the '80s and last year we paid homage to the best MJ raps of all time. This year, we decided to go in a different direction. We picked the corniest of the corniest Jordan lines in history. Cats like OJ da Juiceman made the cut along with legends like Big Boi and LL, too. So, in the wake of the Charlotte Bobcats long road to the lottery and Mike's fashion sense coming into question, we present the 25 Worst Michael Jordan Rap References Of All Time.


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25. Jay-Z, "Show Me What You Got"

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Year
: 2006
Lyric: "Shots of Patron, now she in the zone/I ain't talking bout the 2-3/Mami in the zone like the homie two-three/Jordan or James, makes no difference we all ballin' the same"
No difference between LeBron and MJ? FOH. Out of all the dope MJ references Jigga's had over the years, he's bound to have a bad one. 

24. Nuttkase f/ Apathy, "Put Ya Dukes Up"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "You couldn't burn me if you was a nerd with CDs/Couldn't burn me if you was a whore with VDs/Michael Jordan couldn't burn me if he ate his Wheaties" (Apathy)
The GOAT x STDs x cereal? Yikes. OK, we get it. You're...flame retardant? 

23. Harlem World, "All Out"

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Year
: 1998
Lyric: "I play hard like the Notorious rapper/Slash B.I.G./Slash Christopher/King of New York the Emperor/Slash head fake/Slash in the paint horse you/Slash perimeter/Slash Air Jordan cross you" (Cardan)
Slash way out of your league. Slash stop comparing yourself to the greats. Slash weren't you Betha's weed carrier?

22. Vado f/ Jadakiss and Ludacris, "Check 'Em Out"

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Year
: 2011
Lyric: "And when they drop the new J’s I’m on it/You'd swear I had Michael Jordan living in my closet/I dunk on you niggas like a donut" (Ludacris)
Nope, we'll just assume you don't like Foams. And we can't let that donut line go either. Unless you're Sir Charles, FOH with that weak shit.

 

21. Cassidy, "Game Time"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "It's game time but ain't no games gettin' played/Me going broke is like Michael Jordan gettin' braids"
MJ with braids on top of those hideous jeans he rocks? Yikes. #shitwedrathernotpicture

20. Mac Miller, "Trippin' Out"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "Seein' spots like chicken pox/So gone, Michael Jordan start missin' shots"
Mac must've been trippin' for real or watching an old Wizards game.

19. Juicy J f/ Machine Gun Kelly, "Boat Load"

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Year
: 2011
Lyric: "Blow that loud cause it makes me shush/23 J’s and a Red Bull/Call me Michael Jordan/It’s that swoosh" (MGK)
There's nothing worse than trying to be clever and failing miserably. How about we don't and say we did?

 

18. LL Cool J, "Rasta Imposter"

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Year
: 1998
Lyric: "If you wanna know why, it's cause I'm still that nigga/Michael Jordan of all this rap shit, pullin' the trigger"
This is off the lesser-known Canibus diss track. LL is rapping all hard like he's really 'bout that life. He's talking about gunplay and all types of nonsense all during the same time he was acting on that In the House sitcom. C'mon, son.

17. Big Boi f/ T.I., "Tangerine"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "Once upon a rhyme I knew this girl and she was fine/As everything outdoors, the kinda girl I describe her/Like Michael Jordan when he's froze in a pose/Of a Jumpman, top flight security on these hoes, man" (Big Boi)
So, your girl's physique is something like MJ's? Pause.

16. Pimp C f/ Chamillionaire, "Love 2 Ball"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "Dr. Dre of the South, ya better watch your mouth/Michael Jordan, underdog, see ya at the Playa's Ball" (Pimp C)
R.I.P. Pimp C but there's no reason to have Dr. Dre, MJ, and underdog in the same sentence.

15. Lil' Bow Wow f/ Fabolous, JD, "Basketball"

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Year
: 2002
Lyric: "I might cross you up and fake one way/Turn around and hit you wit the MJ fadeaway" (Lil' Bow Wow)
Yeah, right. The proof is in the pudding. JD couldn't come up with a better rhyme on this one?

14. Kool Keith, "Reverend Tom"

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Year
: 2004
Lyric: "The rap game, since Kobe Bryant wasn't even an embryo/Michael Jordan walked in, that's right his lil' son was 13"
Man, Kool Keith is a weird dude. This has to be the most random MJ reference in history.

13. Dred Scott, "Back In The Day"

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Year
: 1994
Lyric: "I wanted a record deal, but I knew I wasn't ready/But back then I still had more fun/I even rode around my guy the rookie named Michael Jordan"
That doesn't rhyme let alone make sense. This was the low point of an otherwise dope track.

12. Diggy Simmons f/ Chris Brown, "Put You On"

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Year
: 2010
Lyric: "I lace her up/Michael Jordan's/Fix the lens my life's recording" (Chris Brown)
Stick to crooning, kid. Who can we blame for this new style of rap? Luda? Big Sean? Drake? Nicki? C'mon Diggy you could ghostwrite better than that. 

11. Cool Breeze f/ Witchdoctor and Backbone, "Hit Man"

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Year
: 1999
Lyric: "I run this town just like Michael Jordan/Everytime I say wassup/My whole click say JUST EAST POINT!" (Cool Breeze)
This is just a lazy attempt at a Jordan reference. Certain rappers shouldn't be allowed to compare themselves to the God. #justsayin' #keepit100

10. Analog Brothers, "So Bad"

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Year
: 2000
Lyric: "European tours/Walking in gold hotels with marble floors/Private jets, Michael Jordan/My plane is starting to boarding'" (Kool Keith)
It hurts our hearts having the legend that is Kool Keith on this list (twice), but when you have 100,000 albums in your catalog, a few whack rhymes are expected. Mike had no business showing up in this bar. The album cover is sick, though.

9. RZA f/ ODB and CCF Division , "We Pop"

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Year
: 2003
Lyric: "I've been getting this rap money/Crack money, stack money, I'm trying to get that Shaq money/That Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan, Michael Jack' money" (ShaCronz)
Uhh...Yeah, we're pretty sure distant Wu-Tang affiliates aren't caking like any of the people mentioned in this rhyme. Especially MJ.

8. Wale f/ Meek Mill, Pill, Rick Ross and Teedra Mosses, "Self Made"

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Year
: 2011
Lyric: "Michael Jordan performance nigga I dream to be all of it/Yeah, I'm just a poet with some hang time" (Wale)
SMH. If this were a Bulls practice, Mike would punch Wale in the face for this rhyme. Homie went Stretch Armstrong on 'em with this comparison.

7. Lil B, "Angel's Prayer"

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Year
: 2011
Lyric: "Nigga look back, I never Scott Pippen/Michael Jordan king of the forest/And after this, Scottie Pippen rich"
We love Based God but we're not thanking him for this line. Doesn't he know Scottie is not ballin' on or off the courts these days?

6. Lil Wayne f/ Tyga, "Thinking of You"

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Year
: 2008
Lyric: "Voices far from tenor/13 speaking like we 23 sometimes I would even miss dinner/Cause talking with you felt more important than Jordans release when the 17s, remember?" (Tyga)
You see what he tried to do there? Unfortunately, he failed miserably at the Jordan pun. We don't remember anybody beasting over the 17s, them shits were like $200 and had the Wizards colorway. No thank you.

5. Future f/ Gucci Mane, "Jordan Diddy"

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Year
: 2012
Lyric: "I'm Michael Jordan bitch in every city/I'm making movies think I'm P. Diddy/I'm balling hard all I fuck is bad bitches/I got a main girl and a mistress/Jordan Diddy/Jordan Diddy" (Future)
As infectious as that Tony Montana rhyme scheme was when it first dropped, it clearly doesn't work on every track.

4. Tony Yayo, "Swine Flu Flow"

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Year
: 2009
Lyric: "Yeah my swag off the meter man/Used to get money in PA on the Peter Pan/8 chains like Phelps/10 rings like Jordan/Haters is mad that I'm flossing"
Aside from this being factually incorrect (Jordan has six, not 10 rings!), everyone knows that Tony Yayo is the Jud Buechler of G-Unit. The haters have a right to be mad. We heard this song before.

3. Chamillionaire, "Mixtape Messiah 5: Intro"

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Year
: 2008
Lyric: "Blue's Clues what you claim/YouTube where they bang/Michael Jordan been lame/I been Kobe of the game/And when Kobe end up lame I'm throwback before he changed"
Apparently Chamillionaire has some beef with MJ after the Hall of Famer brushed him off at a party. That's whatever but there was no need for this terrible line. Keep it off wax. Please.

2. Master P f/ Skull Duggery, "My Ghetto Heroes"

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Year
: 1996
Lyric: "Air Jordan ain't no motherfuckin' hero, G/My heroes is niggas in the ghetto that slang D"
Way to be a positive influence there, P. Such a shame. Just give 'em guns, drugs and more of that bullshit rap. It's amazing how Percy managed to get a Disney show out of these lines.

1. OJ da Juiceman, "Six Rings"

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Year
: 2009
Lyric: Entire song
Do we really need to explain? Be advised. You will lose IQ points listening to this.

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