Unless you live in a Twitter-less cave, you know that the great Shaquille O'Neal announced his retirement this week. We've already counted down the Big Diesel's greatest pop culture moments, and we're sure he's going to have a grip more, but he started his post-basketball career with a bang today at his official retirement press conference. He took shots at the Knicks, he laughed at himself (free throw jokes!), and he retired every one of his nicknames, all from the comfort of his home gym (he had the thing catered by Planet Hollywood). He even offered his services to "TNT, ESPN, CNN; whoever..." Get this guy calling the Finals, stat!