America's new sympathetic hero Michael Vick brings his Iggles to Dallas to take on the Cowboys on Sunday night, while the Texans will figure out a way to lose when they host the Ravens on MNF. Keep reading as seven editors predict the outcomes of the aforementioned games, as well as the ones involving their favorite teams. In descending order by record, here are the editors' Week 14 picks...
NAME: Joe La Puma, senior editorial strategist (27-11)
1 P.M.) NEW YORK GIANTS @ MINNESOTA: "GIANTS, 28-14. The Giants are hitting their stride, and the defense is making it tough for other teams. We'll take this. "
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Philadelphia, 21-10. I hope Vick embarrasses the Cowboys on Sunday night. When Jerry Jones loses on the grand scale, we all win. "
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Baltimore, 14-10." Ravens got this.
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NAME: Jason Sfetko, assistant art director (27-15)
1 P.M.) CLEVELAND @ BUFFALO: "Bills, 20-13. Bills should never lose to Cleveland, regardless of any circumstance."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Philly, 36-27. Dallas is hot, but they aren't on Philly's level."
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Baltimore, 17-13. Texans are the best losers."
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NAME: Peter Rubin, executive editor (23-14)
TNF) INDIANAPOLIS @ TENNESSEE: "Indianapolis, 28-21. Sorry, even if we're .500 and on the road, you're never gonna catch me predicting an L in a division game. Sure, this is the day when Jeff Fisher realizes that maybe Rusty Kuntz Smith needs to just give Chris Johnson the damn ball already, but Pey-Pey got something to prove. And I don't mean the fact that he has a Guatemalan family living in his Sloth-sized cabeza. EDIT: Oh, Kerry Collins is starting? Guess Cocoon 3: Elderly Racists is on a filming hiatus."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Philadelphia, 35-31. Closer than anyone expects. Dallas is excited again—guess that'll happen when you beat up a bubble boy in his own backyard. #bitter"
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Baltimore, 24-23. Dear John Harbaugh: You're gonna win anyway, so for fantasy reasons, I'm gonna need Ray Rice to go orf like Dorf and Anquan Boldin to get shut the fuck down by Houston's nonexistent secondary. Kthxbai! "
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NAME: Justin Monroe, senior staff writer (23-15)
1 P.M.) NEW YORK GIANTS @ MINNESOTA: "New York Giants, 34-24. It says something when Tavaris Jackson is your better option. These days, Brett Favre is less good ol' boy than ol' boy. Those shots of his pecker wood were the least offensive of the picks he's thrown this year."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Dallas, 21-14. WWJD? Put His work on hunger and war on the back burner to make sure Kitna gets the W."
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Baltimore, 30-24. The Texans are the best, most exciting team that can't win a game. That distinction earns them exactly one cow pie."
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NAME: Donnie Kwak, senior deputy editor (23-16)
1 P.M.) TAMPA BAY @ WASHINGTON: "Tampa Bay, 24-3. Just make it end. Please."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Iggles, 24-14. Vick, you be killin 'em. You be killin 'em. Vick, you be killin 'em. Uhhhhhhh. Woof?"
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Baltimore, 30-14. The Texans are the Memphis Grizzlies of the NFL. Nobody gives a fuck about their existence. Just go away, Texans."
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NAME: Jack Erwin, senior editor (22-20)
1 P.M.) OAKLAND @ JACKSONVILLE: "Raiders, 24-13. Ha. Not Nelson Muntz haha, just ha. Maybe more like a 'heh.' If the Chargers beat the Chiefs (and their appendix-less QB) in San Diego Sunday, and the Raiders beat Jax, then Oakland controls its own destiny in the AFC West. I know I'm supposed to be writing dick jokes here, but that shit's just got me stupefied."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Eagles, 37-27. Pleasepleaseplease don't let Michael Vick get injured before he has a chance to piss off more people by making the playoffs."
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Ravens, 23-16. What Donnie said."
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NAME: Gina Batlle, assistant photo editor (19-20)
4 P.M.) SEATTLE @ SAN FRANCISCO: "49ers, 24-17. It's getting harder and harder to do this."
SNF) PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS: "Eagles, 28-20. Dallas Shmallas."
MNF) BALTIMORE @ HOUSTON: "Ravens, 30-13. Texans? Who cares."
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