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45. Shaquille O'Neal

Victim: Shawn Bradley
Date: 3/30/2001

Oh, you got crossed-over by Shaq, too? What is this, a rite of passage for monumentally bad, overpaid players? There's clearly this secret society of slow-footed centers that meet up in Jim McIlvaine's country house in a thorny, desolate forest and put on scary animal masks, drink ram's blood, and then fall over their own cloven-hoofed feet while trying to communicate with George Mikan via séance.

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