It's pretty easy to hate on Cristiano Ronaldo, but just know that everything that you despise about the soccer star is what the chicks love—the perma-tan, the chiseled physique, the extra-smedium apparel, and, of course, the fact that he's one of the highest-paid players in his entire sport. Simply put, C.R. is on his A-Rod shit: He may act like a whiny, arrogant bitch, but he still gets it in. And when we say "gets it in," we don't mean with your average desperate groupies. As you should already know from Wifey Showdowns past, pro footballers tend to pull higher-caliber honeys, on that "He speaks with an accent, he must not have STDs" tip. To paraphrase Hov: We don't know what the fuck y'all thought, them dudes is foul just like us! Don't believe us? In honor of Portugal's (almost-definite) qualification to the World Cup knockout round, take this mazy run through their 25-year-old captain's off-pitch exploits. The boy can definitely score...