Randy Johnson's Mane Cape
It's rude to style-fail a man for an acne-scarred face or a beach-ball-sized Adam's apple, so let's focus on the Big Unit's genre-spanning mullet. The 300-game winner's business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back look lasted 15 years, from an early '90s perm to a layered look (we're pegging the height of his fail at his first tenure with the Arizona Diamondbacks, where his sand-blasted mullet and 'stache combo methed, er, meshed perfectly with the D'backs fanbase. ZING!). Sadly, joining the Yankees in '05 and Steinbrenner's 'no big hair' rule didn't help—it simply highlighted the aforementioned facial tragedies (you know, the ones we won't mention).