The Race Card: Brian Cushing, NFL Arrest Reports, & More

Image via Complex Original

In last week

ISSUE:

Last year's NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year retained his award, despite testing positive for HGC and being suspended for four games.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Shawne Merriman tested positive for anabolic steroids back in '06, and STILL went to the Pro Bowl and still has his DROY award.

DARK MAN X SAYS: We've been hearing about this Great White Hope being 'roided up since his USC days. When Merriman got caught, the league scrambled to create a new rule, but somehow we doubt that'll happen here. Anyway, we all know Jairus Byrd is the real DROY.

COMPLEX SAYS: Houston has a football team?

ISSUE: According to a recent report on NFL arrests since 2000, the Cincinnati Bengals leads all teams with 31 player arrests.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Hmmm...led by token black coach Marvin Lewis for most of those years. The Rooney rule strikes again.

DARK MAN X SAYS: Let's note that Minnesota, led by two (very) white coaches during the last decade, came in at a very close second with 30 arrests--not to mention the whole love boat fuckery.

COMPLEX SAYS: Hey, at least the Bengals won something in the 2000s.

ISSUE: A.S. Roma captain Francesco Totti has been suspended for four matches after his violent tackle on Inter Milan's Mario Balotelli in last week's Coppa Italia final. Balotelli also claims that Totti dropped a N-bomb on him during the match.

DARK MAN X SAYS: European soccer x racism, what else is new? Totti's old ass obviously couldn't keep up with the brother, so he resorted to some cheap shit. Typical.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Wait, that darkie is called Balotelli? That can't be his real name. It's gotta be something like "Mbenga Mbenga Swahili" or something.

COMPLEX SAYS: We fux with Super Mario. They just not ready yet, son.

ISSUE: Electrifying rookie defenseman P.K. Subban of the Montreal Canadiens has taken the NHL by storm this postseason, helping the Habs on their surprising playoff run.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: I'm already getting sick of hearing about this guy. Big deal, a black guy can finally skate competently and now they wanna enshrine him in Toronto. Affirmative action at its finest.

DARK MAN X SAYS: Oh yeah, baby. You thought hockey was safe? NOPE! We're coming. The NHL needs shit like this (peep the staredown) to get some melanin-enhanced fans.

COMPLEX SAYS: Three Game 7s thus far and the most exciting rookie we've seen in a minute? Maybe this is true after all.