Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson won't be whipping balls at people's chins anymore.

After 22 seasons, 6' 10", 46-year-old ace pitcher Randy Johnson just retired from professional baseball. We'll miss his electric, lanky left arm (pause), but we'll miss his moniker, The Big Unit, even more. As nicknames go, few stick out (or go "thwack!" on your forehead) more. In honor of one of the best dick jokes in the history of the MLB, Complex presents a very long list of other pause-worthy nicknames given to baseball players. Have a ball. Or two.

HALL OF FAME PLAYERS WITH PAUSE-WORTHY NICKNAMES

Nickname_Luke_Appling

Luke Appling, a.k.a. Old Aches and Pains, a.k.a. Luscious Luke
Nickname origin: He was a hypochondriac, so teammates started calling him Old Aches and Pains.
Complex says: At least some of his pain came from other dudes calling him luscious.

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Nickname_Mordecai_Brown

Mordecai Brown, a.k.a. Three Finger
Nickname origin: As a child, Mordecai lost two fingers in a farm-machinery accident, forcing him to pitch with only three fingers on his throwing hand.
Complex says: Many a lucky lady got the digits—to his rotary phone!

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Nickname_Don_Drysdale

Don Drysdale, a.k.a. Big D
Nickname origin: Listed at 6' 6", he was damn tall.
Complex says: Certainly a better endorsement than "Slightly Below Average D."

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Nicknames_Leo_Durocher

Leo Durocher, a.k.a. The Lip
Nickname origin: Leo had frequent clashes with umpires, which resulted in 95 career ejections and a ranking of the fourth most all-time.
Complex says: The joke for this one is on the tip of his tongue.

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Nickname_Bob_Feller

Bob Feller, a.k.a. Rapid Robert
Nickname origin: Feller's fastball was once recorded at 107 mph (the fastest pitch ever clocked).
Complex says: To be fair, he was a busy man. Who has an additional 59 minutes and 30 seconds to waste on a woman?

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Nickname_Lou_Gehrig

Lou Gehrig, a.k.a. Biscuit Pants
Nickname origin: Gehrig was given this title when he first joined the Yankees due to how noticeably large his thighs and butt were in his pinstripes.
Complex says: Gives a whole new meaning to watching your carbs.

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Nickname_Billy_Hamilton

Billy Hamilton, a.k.a. Sliding Billy
Nickname origin: Best remembered as a base runner, Hamilton stole 912 career bases, which still ranks fifth all-time in the National League.
Complex says: Whether you slip or slide, it's all about getting to home base.

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Nickname_Walter_Johnson

Walter Johnson, a.k.a. The Big Train
Nickname origin: Sports writer Grantland Rice said Johnson's size and fastball reminded him of an express train.
Complex says: You just don't want to get stuck riding in the caboose.

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Nickname_Willie_Keeler

Willie Keeler, a.k.a. Wee Willie, a.k.a. Hit 'Em Where They Ain't
Nickname origin: Keeler was only 5' 4" and 120 lbs., and was known to tell teammates to "Keep your eye clear, and hit 'em where they ain't."
Complex says: Wee Willie might also have become Hit 'Em Where They Ain't because he tried to bat cleanup for The Big Train and couldn't make contact.

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Nickname_Tony_Lazzeri

Tony Lazzeri, a.k.a. Poosh 'Em Up Tony
Nickname origin: Italian-speaking fans used to yell out an Italian phrase which means "hit it out" and it was incorrectly translated into "poosh 'em up."
Complex says: We just prefer to call our hands the Miracle Bra.

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Nickname_Willie_McCovey

Willie McCovey, a.k.a. Big Mac, a.k.a. Stretch
Nickname origin: McCovey was known for his gold glove defense on first base, stretching while still touching the bag to catch mis-thrown balls.
Complex says: At least it's Stretch and not Tear.

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Nickname_Brooks_Robinson

Brooks Robinson, a.k.a. Hoover, a.k.a. The Vacuum Cleaner
Nickname origin: Robinson had a reputation for snagging balls hit anywhere near his third base position.
Complex says: There are nicknames that suck, and then there are nicknames that really suck.

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Nickname_Billy_Williams2

Billy Williams, a.k.a. Sweet Swingin' Billy from Whistler
Nickname origin: Williams was known for his offensive play and his nickname is also a reference to the flowers known as Sweet Williams.
Complex says: Whistlers are OK but we'll take a hummer over one any day.

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Nickname_Ted_Williams

Ted Williams, a.k.a. The Splendid Splinter
Nickname origin: Williams had a tall thin frame but routinely performed well in the clutch.
Complex says: It's not the size of the bat, right ladies? Right ladies?!?

ACTIVE PLAYERS WITH PAUSE-WORTHY NICKNAMES

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Nicknames_Vlad_Guerrero

Vladimir Guerrero, a.k.a. Vlad the Impaler
Nickname origin: Guerrero doesn't hit for average but his power numbers are among the best in the league.
Complex says: It's one way to tell pitchers they kebob on it.

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Nickname_Adam_Dunn

Adam Dunn, a.k.a. Big Donkey
Nickname origin: Dunn received this nickname when teammates where joking around about his speed.
Complex says: We only hope this refers to his love of the donkey punch, 'cause we refuse to consider the nickname's alternative meaning or the ass it might be referring to.

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Nickname_Manny_Ramirez

Manny Ramírez, a.k.a. ManRam
Nickname origin: This shortening of Ramirez' full name was given by sports talk show radio host Jim Rome.
Complex says: Dominicans are known to cut words short but damn! This is one time we think Manny would prefer you pronounce all the syllables.

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Nickname_Alex_Rodriguez

Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. A-Rod
Nickname origin: It's not known who said it first, but similar to Manny it's just a shortening of Rodriguez's first and last name.
Complex says: A rod, any rod? No, not just any rod. He's the biggest prick in baseball.

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Nickname_Frank_Thomas

Frank Thomas, a.k.a. Big Hurt
Nickname origin: Chicago White Sox television broadcaster Ken Harrelson gave Thomas the moniker in 1992 for his awe-inspiring home run power.
Complex says: Apparently somebody never learned to ease it in.

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Nickname_Dontrelle_Willis

Dontrelle Willis, a.k.a. D-Train
Nickname origin: Given to Willis' because of his 6' 4" height and the velocity of his fastball.
Complex says: With a name like this, you really should specify whether he's the conductor or passenger.

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