Poor Tiger Woods. The man gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar(s), becomes the butt of several (hundred) jokes, and now we're learning that he has lost his endorsement with Gatorade. When it rains, it pours, and when you're splashing off that much...well, something. At any rate, we hope TW doesn't lose any more sponsors, but if he does, we've got a few replacements lined up for him already. We're just looking for a tidy 10%. See all our suggestions below...
HUMMER
• Buicks are cool, but can they withstand a golf club attack by your wife? Plus, it's got that roomy interior for when you can't find an empty church parking lot and...and...and...IT'S A FRIGGIN' HUMMMER.
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BIG BERTHA
• Big Bertha Irons are meant to improve your game. Now it's hard to imagine Tiger improving his game (he's got a wife,678910 mistresses, and probably a slew of one-night stands after all), but he's got quite a, er, drive, so who knows! No Playgirl pics, please.
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CASH
• American Express might be the ultimate status symbol, but for Tiger's purposes, a credit card can be incriminating. At least with cash, he can trick without getting busted!
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CREATIVE RECREATION
• He's certainly got a thing for creative recreations, and even Tiger knows you've got to strap up when you go out on the town. Wait, he does know you have to strap up...ah geez.
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IRONMAN WATCHES
• Like Tiger, Ironman watches take a lickin' and keep on tickin'! A definite must-have for the athlete on the go (and on the prowl)!
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SUPER SMASH BROS.
• If you smash as much as Tiger does, this is the game for you! Besides, golf video games are boring!
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DAISY DISPOSABLE RAZORS
• "I like my razors just like I like my hoes—disposable!"
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5-HOUR ENERGY
• For those days when you can use a little boost in your stroke, both on the putting green and in the parking lot. POW!
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FROSTED MINI-WHEATS
• When you absolutely, positively have to to have a little white in the morning.
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GOOGLE VOICE
• These days, Tiger knows all about voicemail. Let him tell you about the wonders of Google Voice—and its remarkable ability to not stay on your phone!
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**BONUS** PERKINS
• Perkins is the new neighborhood meeting place, "Where Lust Lives." Check out Tiger in their new commercials—he'll be the one getting fed pancakes by one of their waitresses! "Hey, is that syrup on my khakis? Be a good girl and lick it off!"
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