Sammy Sosa was on the juice?!? WHAT?!?
You might want to sit down, because we've got some earth-shattering news: Yesterday, the New York Times reported that retired slugger Sammy Sosa tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug in MLB's anonymous 2003 survey. WHAT?!? SAMMY SOSA USED STEROIDS?!? WHO KNEW?!? (Anybody who has eyes and a basic understanding of logic.) Steroid sleuths are needlessly spending time and money to expose athletes who we could tell used performance-enhancing drugs just by looking at them. Sure, it's nice to catch these cheats in their lies, but do we really need snitches and needles with PEDs and cells from players' ass cheeks to confirm what we all suspect?
Normal human beings don't begin resembling Marvel superheroes just because they spent three months going hard in the weight room. In honor of Sammy Sosa's public outing, Complex looks back at baseball's most obviously juiced players who we still had to expose for some reason. Check out the adjacent before-steroids, after-steroids photos, 'cause you can't beat that with a baseball bat!
• Just like a McDonald's Big Mac—enjoyable, but you don't need a nutrition table to tell it's not organic.
• It sure looked like The Rocket was 'roid raging when he tried to impale Mike Piazza with a shattered bat. On the other hand, Piazza said, "I'm not gay," but he never said, "I'm not a gay vampire," so...
• The only proof we needed was his 9 3/4 caps, custom-made to fit him and elephants.
• It doesn't appear there was ever a point in his career when baseball's latest greatest racist wasn't juicing. His neck veins benched 250.
• The big break in uncovering his deception? Um, when he stopped breaking bats on balls and started breaking them over his legs.
• Not that we were mad at the Giambino—dude needed greater surface area for tribal tats.
• Canseco never hid the fact that he juiced. Seriously, the man used a thimble in his jock strap.