Has anyone got past second base with A-Rod?
Just when you thought it couldn't get worse for Alex Rodriguez comes the news that—according to a new book from Selena Roberts—A-Rod's Yankee teammates nicknamed the juiced-up slugger "Bitch Tits." Wowwww. Now we really can't wait for his first at-bat at Fenway.
Still, Alex is hardly the first man to be afflicted with tetas grande. We milked the historical archives of man-titties to find A-Rod's breast friends. Now let's take a trip down (male) mammary lane, shall we?
THE O.G.: This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits. He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen. And that was where I fit...between those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.
THE CLINICAL CASE: This poor Englishman suffers from gynecomastia, the medical term for the condition which is usually caused by an imbalance of sex hormones. "A-Gynecomastia" doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "Bitch Tits," though.
KIDDIE TITTIES: The poor kids that are forced to wear T-shirts when they go swimming. Thank God for gastric bypass!
BREAST RAPPERS ALIVE: We'd include Bonecrusher with Crack and Officer Ricky but sadly, nobody can find him.
MALE IMPLANTS(!): High-stakes gambler and total fucking weirdo Brian Zembic accepted a $100,000 bet to get breast implants. He then wrote a book about the experience. Is it sad or funny that he got better fake titties than the majority of working female porn stars?
CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE MAN-BOOB!
THE MANSIERE: "Bro's no good. Too ethnic."
"You got something better?"
"How about the Mansiere?"
"That's right. A brassiere for a man."
AN "OFFENSIVE" LINEMAN: The sixth overall pick from this year's NFL Draft (Andre Smith of the Cincinnati Bengals)...do they measure titties at the combine?
FAT BASTARD: Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.
SENIOR TIT-IZENS: There's middle-aged, there's old, and then there's "not giving a flying fuck." Jack's at that point, and Inshallah, you will be one day, too.
AND LASTLY...WTF???: Like really...WTF???