So you've made all your conventional wagers on the NFL's Divisional Round matchups (if you haven't we advise taking the Ravens, Panthers, Giants and Chargers), but your passion for pigskin parlays isn't sated yet. Well, there's two things you need to do:
1) Prepare to take some time off next week to see a gambling addiction specialist.
2) But before you do that, consult Complex's Guide to the Most Intricate and Offensive Prop Bets...
BALTIMORE @ TENNESSEE, SATURDAY 4:30
• 7: Over/under on "Joe Flaccid" signs at LP Field
• 50-1: Kerry Collins says "What up my n*gga!" to Ray Lewis during the pregame coin flip.
• 1000-1: Collins yells "Get off me n*gga!" after Lewis sacks him for the first time.
• 1-1000: Lewis subsequently stabs Collins.
• 25-1: Young Buck breaks down in tears when Titans lose.
ARIZONA @ CAROLINA, SATURDAY 8:15
1500: Over/under on Carolina fans who demand refund when they learn that "Darnit MayBelle, the Heels ain't playing!"
• 30-1: Muhsin Muhammad detained prior to game by North Carolina State Troopers on suspicions of "you know, being an A-rab."
• 1-500: Kurt Warner and wife hold hands for pregame prayer: "Please God, let me throw for 700 yards and 10 touchdowns in this game."
• 600-1: Warner converts to Islam after being intercepted 7 times.
• 15-1: White Arizonans immediately vote to rescind Martin Luther King Day after predominantly black Cardinals lose by 20.
PHILADELPHIA @ NEW YORK GIANTS, SUNDAY 1:00
3-2: Tom Coughlin diagnosed with first known case of human freezer burn.
• 1-1,000,000,000: A drunken Giants fan yells "Fuck you you dumb Philly cunt!" To a 4-year-old girl in a McNabb jersey. During the national anthem.
• End of 1st quarter: Over/under on when Eli Manning makes his first "Just-drank-sour-milk-while-simultaneously-stubbing-my-toe-and-having-my-toys-taken-away" face
• 3: Over/under on number of game balls Andy Reid eats for his "halftime snack"
• 7-2: On her way out of the stadium, four-year-old Eagles fan in McNabb jersey kicks passed out Giants fan in the head.
SAN DIEGO @ PITTSBURGH, SUNDAY 4:45
750-1: In pregame interview, Norv Turner announces exclusive endorsement deal with Proactiv.
• 3-2: Darren Sproles doesn't make the "You must be this tall to ride" cut during pregame visit to Pittsburgh area amusement park.
• 500-1: Jim Nantz refers to Hines Ward as the "Amerie of football."
• Even: Myron Cope's authentic 33-year-old Terrible Towel is found to be contaminated with e. coli.
• 1/2: Over/under on number of Steelers fans heard muttering, "They can keep the beaches, girls and weather, I'll take the Duquesne Incline."
