It's NBA All-Star Weekend, which means everyone ever associated with the Association is flocking to New Orleans. Not least among them (except maybe in size) is legendary No. 1/2, Li'l Penny, who made quite the name for himself back in the '90s alongside his Orlando Magic sidekick. (Let's be real—Li'l Penny ran the show.) We got a chance to sit down with LP in the Crescent City to hear about his current wherabouts, what he thinks about the NBA, and why we don't get invited to his Super Bowl parties. Check it out.

So where have you been the past couple years? We don't see you anymore.

Well first, let me re-introduce myself. I’m Li’l Penny. LP for short. I’m the greatest of the great. I live larger than large. Back before you were born, me and my man Penny Hardaway were the hottest thing going. He handled business on the court and I was the brains of the operation.

What have I been doing with myself since then? What does someone like me do? That’s easy. There’s no one else like me. I’ve been taking some time for me, myself and me. I’ve got a condo on an aircraft carrier and some prime real estate in the South of France.

I’ve also got projects. I’ve made some plans. But I’ve got the hunger for basketball like a vampire needs blood. And I know it feels the same way about me!

 

Why All-Star weekend? What brings you back now?

What does someone like me do? That’s easy. There’s no one else like me.

Is anyone else thirsty? I need some lemonade. Wait, we’re not live? This isn’t network news? Okay, I’ll have a seat. Only because I admire your taste in furniture. Alligator minimalism is my jam! Did you see that? I’ve been enriching myself.

Me and Penny, we had some good times at the top. He’s doing big things now. And I’ve expanded my horizons. The thing is, these kids today, they remind me of the old me. I miss that guy. I think everybody does.


Seeing that Penny's retired, who's your favorite player these days?

Stop trying to get the scoop! I’ll get there when I’m ready. Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway is still my favorite player. He might be the G.O.A.T. Those moves? That game? He’s like Shakespeare or Carvaggio. Invincible!

Today? You’ve got a lot of guys who could be the next Penny. LeBron? KD? Those cats can play! Paul George dunking every which way … Kyrie Irving crossing up your mom-in-law … Anthony Davis blocking the shot you haven’t even thought of yet … and James Harden has a beard. A BEARD!!!!

(via Abe Schwadron on Instagram)

 


We hear you're finally getting a signature shoe. What do you look for in a sneaker?

What did I tell you about trying to play the hero? My footwear strategy is strictly classified! I want the same things in a shoe that I want in a good meal. It should be spicy. Satisfying. Nutritious. Good for the body and the soul. And most of all, it has to be dripping with deep-fried goodness. Otherwise what’s the point?


Since you're getting a sneaker, does that mean you're still playing?

Don’t ask me that. Haven’t I taught you anything about manners?

Are you still having Super Bowl parties? And why do we never get invites?

We just met 10 minutes ago.

You and Paul George, one on one to 11. Make it take it. Who wins and what's the score?

That’s a tough one. PG is a great, great player. He can hit from outside, throw it down inside, and defend every position on the hardwood. Me? I like it to keep it simple. Clean. Classic. Give me the ball and it’s going in the hoop. Maybe I’m there, maybe I’m not. I’m like a ghost. A really smart, happy, sexy ghost. I’m your best friend and your worst nightmare. And I’m back.