Are Sneakers Better Than Relationships?

It takes time and effort to maintain a relationship. As in, virtually all of your time and a superhuman effort. Sneakers only require attention to precipitation and a Jason Markk kit for when you play a little too dirty.

Not everybody believes in the concept of forever. People can change their minds and feelings can dissolve. Sneakers will be with you for as long as you hold on to them... or until they crumble. Basically, nothing lasts forever—OK, this is getting depressing.

They will, however, go to the highest bidder. But then again, so do people.

Your sneakers will never be angry at you or fight with you over what you liked on Instagram or who's in your DM's.

You can sell or trade your sneakers when you don't want them anymore, and sometimes even make a profit. Selling your significant other is illegal in most countries.

You can have as many sneakers as you want (or can afford); not so much with girlfriends (or boyfriends). Having multiple main squeezes is [mostly] frowned upon and quite frankly, too stressful.

As much of a headache your girlfriend gives you, a good one will hold you down. Stunting on Instagram isn't doing much for the other aspects of your life and licking sneakers will get lonely real quick. Plus, despite the fact that they have tongues, they never, ever reciprocate.