Why Miley Cyrus Should Never Be Considered a Sneakerhead

Image via Complex Original

Miley is daughter to American country singer, songwriter, and "actor" Billy Ray Cyrus. We find it hard to imagine that while he was crooning to the country-loving masses, he was also finding the time to dispense some sneakerhead wisdom onto his daughter, let alone sporting anything besides cowboy boots along the way. But hey, that's just us.

Yeah, we know MC had on some "Wolf Grey" 5's, DB IX's (okay, maybe we'll give you those...), and a pair of custom (?) Fire Red 3's, but you've got us feeling like Simon Cowell over here-- we're not impressed. We all know someone with a pair of the aforementioned 5's, and you wouldn't be hard pressed to find a pair of Fire Red 3's still on shelves today. Next time, think about upping the ante a little bit.

Do you even sneakerhead instagram, bro? I mean c'mon, where's the surplus of #hashtags, taking pics of your kicks while "accidentally" leaving other heat to be visible in the shot, and gramming a loaf of bread with your BLACK AND RED 11's? Ok, so maybe those are some dumb things even we kick addicts are victim of, but it would still be nice to see that every once in a while. Sort of.

Have you seen the Wrecking Ball video yet? Case closed.

We may not know too many things for certain, but we can assure you no matter how hard she would have to implore the good folks over at Jordan Brand for an "Air Twerk" signature model, it will never see the light of day. And for the sake of humanity, we hope it remains that way. Plus, shoes aren't made for twerking. Not that we would know that sort of information, or anything...

MJ was well known for his signature tongue-wag in his day, and it seems that Miley has drawn some sort of inspiration from his Airness. Well, probably not, but it could appear to be more than just a coincidence given the content of her new single, "23." Regardless, we have no doubt that Miley would still be using the gesture, even if Michael hadn't commercialized it first.

You may remember that pre transformation, the popstar made a little song in 2009 called "Party in the U.S.A," a song that directly references Jay Z. Surprisingly, she openly admitted that same year that she had never heard a song of Hov's, as she didn't write the song. We're pretty sure there's a negative correlation between being a sneakerhead, and not ever hearing a single Jay F*CKING Z song. Let's go ahead and chalk that up as a loss for Miley.

You're not fooling anyone here, Miley. While we've been immersed in the shoe game as long as we can remember, you come up rocking Jays quicker than you would transform into Hannah Montana. Do as you please, but just know you're no where near solidifying yourself as a sneaker head.

Slippers? We too are all for comfort, but slippers? Really? No matter how en vogue this particular pair of slippers may be, you're not gaining any brownie points from the sneaker community rocking those.

Check. Mate.