10 Ways in Which Owning a Car is Like Having a Girlfriend

You want to punch your friends for treating her like crap.

If you leave your trash in the back seat of my car, I will mail you my feces. Likewise, if you continue to insult my girl, I'll personally deliver said feces in the shape of a pie and launch it into your face like the world's most disgusting Nickelodeon special.

It's that simple.

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