If you're thinking about buying a Segway, go away right now and never come back. If you already own a Segway, please jump off a cliff immediately. But if, like everyone else, you're simply curious about these futuristic two-wheeled scooters, you are forgiven. But not for long. Whether it's a four-hour "Segway Tour" of Santa Monica or a "Segway Hike" in the Black Hills of South Dakota (these are real things), you should never, ever, ever ride a Segway. Here's why.