Jameela Jamil on Consent: 'Make Sure the Other Person Is Not Just Willing, But Damn Well Enthusiastic'

Jameela Jamil has written a long piece in the wake of a photographer's allegations against Aziz Ansari.

Jameela Jamil
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Jameela Jamil

The assault accusation against Aziz Ansari has drawn up gray lines between whether or not it was sexual misconduct or a creepy, unfortunate instance of miscommunication in the bedroom.

The Good Place's Jameela Jamil is here to talk about the latter. In a blog post, the 31-year-old actress said that she won't address the actual allegations since she "wasn’t there" but she did want to address another constant issue that happens between sexual partners—getting technical and emotional consent.

Jamil explained that it's "vital" to "read the room and make sure the other person is not just willing, but damn well enthusiastic." She adds that this is especially the case "if that person is the one to be penetrated." 

"You want to enter them. You best ensure you are a welcome guest, not someone who just begged, pressured, guilt-tripped or harassed their way inside," she wrote.

On the other hand, Jamil is calling on women to use the power of no without feeling guilty about it. Although she does cite centuries of centering men's feelings and desires, Jamil says the time is over for women to engage in sex for fear of losing a potential suitor. This is especially because if he or she isn't interested in you after you say no, he or she is probably not that into you.

"If you think that he won’t call you again because you weren’t ready to meet his sexual needs on his schedule, then HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH," continued the post. "Women have traditionally been taught to please, to placate and to avoid embarrassing a man. This has to stop, and it has to come from us. If a man asks you to put his penis in your mouth, and you don’t want to, but you do it because you want him to call you again, you are doing yourself a disservice and have to accept some responsibility. If he is not actively pressuring you, but you feel pressured by his eagerness, desperation, or the fear of his disappointment, then it is frankly on YOU to say no and act in honour of your needs. (Obviously in a situation where you feel in any danger at all, this is a completely different case.)"

Read the full blog post here.

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