People will get mad about literally anything, the latest nonsensical outrage being Starbucks' new updated holiday cups, which are now minimalistic red (to be more inclusive of other holidays) instead of Christmas-themed. Of course, "Christmas-themed" previously meant cute little snowflakes (nothing actually related to the birth of Christ), and yet the removal of those designs got people in a nutty rage about how it was an anti-religious move on Starbucks' part. People, chill. Anyhow, now there is a new book about these holiday cups (so thematically niche!) that if you were previously offended by Starbucks' changeover, maybe stop reading here.

It's called Oppressed in the Butt By My Inclusive Holiday Coffee Cupswhich, I know... Take a minute to process that title first. Written by someone named "Chuck Tingle," it is about a man named Jabua Fogstein who suffers a heart attack after finding the cups have been redesigned. Except when he's in the hospital he receives "some visitors that will open both his heart, and his butt." AND PLEASE READ THIS IMPORTANT PLOT POINT: "Soon enough, Jabua finds himself at the center of a hardcore gangbang with these handsome gay cups, and learns a little something about holiday spirit!" 

A GANGBANG WITH GAY CUPS.

This erotic novel promises to be "4,700 words of sizzling human on gay holiday cup action, including anal, double anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies, gangbangs, bukkake, and beverage container love." BEVERAGE CONTAINER LOVE. 

You can purchase this steamy new novel here,  but if you're hesitant about making the $2.99 splurge, check out some reviews on Amazon, such as this one: 

Can't get enough? Check Chuck Tingle's website—he's written ALL SORTS of erotica, from Buttception to Glazed by the Living Gay Donuts. Also below is his author pic: