Miley Cyrus, 22, crippled from Nicki Minaj's scathing ether at the VMAs and sensing that her brand of put-on eccentricity was losing its value, has allegedly gone and dug up Dane Cook, 43, from whatever Hollywood dive bar he's been hiding in. No, for real—these two are actually hooking up, according to Us Weekly.

The evidence is crazy compelling:

  • The two were once seen dancing together at a club in 2013.
  • In March, after Miley's ex-boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger was seen licking tequila off of a coed's stomach, Miley reposted a Dane Cook Instagram post that said, "Don't you ever let someone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You are a pink Starburst."
  • Also in 2013, Dane Cook told Miley that her boobs look like ice cream. And not just any ice cream—French Vanilla ice cream.
  • The two have interacted on social media multiple times.

So yeah, we might as well go ahead and confirm this rumor, which doesn't sound made up at all.

Before apparently locking down the star of "hits" like Good Luck Chuck and Employee of the Month ("Don't forget Waiting!" a bro just yelled at me), Miley was hooking up with Victoria's Secret model Stella Maxwell. The two were most recently seen doing hand stuff in an L.A. parking lot. 

I mean, I guess this makes sense. Dane Cook probably reminds Miley of her dad because they're both over-the-hill D-list celebrities who think soul patches are cool, and the two definitely have at least one thing in common—they've both gotten hugely famous by stealing things from other people.