Old Canadian Game Shows: The Greatest Thing On TV

Canada produced the best game shows of all time. Don't believe us, just watch.

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Old Canadian game shows are the best. This is a fact.

From the unintentional trick questions, to the uncomfortably dry hosts, and of course, the nauseous aesthetic, 80’s and 90’s game shows are some of the most bizarre and entrancing things on television. It must’ve all seemed so harmless back then. It might have been, dare I say, whacky. But a viewing of these shows in retrospect is downright narcotic. Nightmarish even.  Oh what a time it was. It was the 80’s. When you could blatantly rip off a parlor game and turn it into a network show. You’re not fooling anyone Acting Crazy, you’re literally just charades!

If you’ve got a sick day today, or just some free time, we’ve compiled the only list you really need right now. Here are the greatest retro game shows Canada ever produced. Plan your schedule accordingly; you’re going watch them all.

Pitfall

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Whoah! Is that a younger, more bitter, Alex Trebek? Why, yes. Yes, it is. Watch as the smartest host in the world chats with “all-time” champ, Sharon. Learn about her nude stamp collection and bask in her toy dog, which gracefully adorns her podium. Thankfully, Trebek isn’t afraid to throw shade at the contestants, probably because deep down, he knows he’s destined for better things. As far as the actual game show, Pitfall is essentially Family Feud, but the audience provides the survey answers, live in studio. It’s a great place to pull from too, especially when the genius production team musters up with questions like: “I turn very romantic when someone touches my...?”

Favorite Aspect: Sad Alex

Bumper Stumpers

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Simply the best of the best. Bumper Stumpers reeled in the greatest contestants around. By “greatest”, we mean the most awkward, dorky, frightened, and shameless humans on the planet. It’s like the casting department began and ended their search inside the DMV. Anyways, you know when people have those vanity plates without any vowels and then you and your family try and guess what that plate says? Yup, that’s the game. That’s Bumper Stumpers. Watch the clip below and maybe wear sunglasses, because Janice’s laser stare is burning holes into my face.

Favorite Aspect: Tie - The contestants are great. But really, the theme song is the show’s greatest accomplishment, and remains a true beacon of artistry. Honk! Honk!

Talk About

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It’s the game show where everyone sounds like a Kristen Wiig character. Contestants are given a topic and then proceed to, you guessed it, talk about said word until matching terms appear on screen. Watching thirty minutes of this show is like stepping into a world where cocaine is legal, and everyone has way too much to say about “the heart”. It’s an organ, and it pumps blood, it goes "bum pa bum pa bum”, and it’s red, purple, yellow, in case you were wondering. And people say TV isn’t educational.

Favorite Aspect: Everyone talking like this, and everyone’s talking, and words are coming out of their mouths, and the words mean things, and people are talking a bunch and [buzzer noise].

Definition

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You’re probably familiar with the theme song by now. Yes, long before Austin Powers brought the tune to prominence and before Toronto rappers, Dream Warriors made it into their signature song, there was a little show called Definition. The theme song, by the way, is “Soul Bossa Nova” and was composed by the gawd Quincy Jones. The game show itself, isn’t to the same levels of insanity of the others on our list, and is really quite enjoyable. Still, it’s a nice time capsule for the forever questionable, 80’s aesthetic. What were people thinking back then? Why did anyone go out dressed like that? If fashionable aliens ever come down, can we erase that part of our history? Because they definitely wouldn’t trade any of their wisdom/technology with a people who ever used that much hair product.

Favorite Aspect: How much the show holds up. Also, all of the mullets.

Supermarket Sweep

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Look, grocery shopping can be pretty stressful. You decided to begin your shop on empty stomach, and now, even that box of multi-grain Cheerios looks edible. In reality, you just want to buy your food, and then get the hell out of there. Now imagine that there’s a time limit. Oh and there’s money on the line too. Things would get nasty, no? Well, you don’t have to imagine any longer, because luckily, we have Supermarket Sweep. A place where friends turn into enemies, carts turn into weapons, and bad television becomes the best thing to ever appear on television.

“Who’s got the Purina Kibbles and Chews? Who’s got the Lifestream Granola Cereal? Who’s Got The D’Angelo’s Tomato Paste? Let's go!” What a way to start a show. Too powerful.

Favorite Aspect: Four Way Tie - People Crashing Into Carts. Carts Crashing Into People. Throwing 5 whole turkeys into a cart. Carts.

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