As a book series, Harry Potter is all-time. All-fucking-time. Don't let anyone deride it as kid nor proto YA shit. As a film series though, OMG, fuck these movies. I'm talking specifically about the latter four. The first two helmed by acclaimed kiddie movie director Chris Columbus get trashed for being, well, kid-movie-esque. But guess what, those two books qualify as such as well. Not to mention, the Columbus era pulled off the bulk of what all of these movies coast on: excellent casting. Then Alfonso Cuaron took the reins next. As a book fan, the plot omissions were infuriating, but I've never been the self-serious person to get tight over adaptations in that way. Visually, the film is gorgeous. The last four made by David Yates, though? Fucking flavorless trash b.
I'm talking about the films that cast acclaimed thespian Ralph Fiennes—the Red Dragon for fuck's sake—as Voldemort and somehow managed to make him a cartoonish goofball. The films with screenplays that are for some reason devoid of all the wit and charm in each book. I don't even understand how anyone who has seen but hasn't read enjoys the back half of the franchise. It's sad as fuck when battles and face-offs that have the benefit of being souped up with special effects play better on the page. Half Blood Prince goes full hormones but Yates' adaptation is easily the most boring out of all eight films. Confession: I didn't even make it to Deathly Hallows Part 2. I gave up. Every aspect feels basic and by the books. How this fuccboi snagged a four-peat in the director's chair, I'll never know. — Frazier Tharpe