8 Ridiculous Lifetime Movies Not Even Will Ferrell Could Parody

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Death Of A Cheerleader (aka A Friend to Die For) stars Lifetime queens, Tori Spelling and Kellie Martin as high school opposites, Spelling as the popular cheerleader and Martin as the mousy outcast who becomes somewhat accepted into the popular clique. Things take a turn for the single white female quickly, as Martin becomes determined to be popular at any cost. 

The standout scene is when Spelling's character Stacy tries to get Martin's Angela to smoke "grass" with her in a car. 

Peter Pan (government name: Jeremy Sumpter) stars in Cyber Sedutction: His Secret Life about a suburban youth who is sucked into the world of online porn which, for some reason, destroys his life. 

The opening scene where Peter Pan is trembling and bleeding, about to dive into the pool, is alone worth watching. 

For whatever reason, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? might be Lifetime's most famed movie. It stars Tori Spelling, yet again, this time as a shy coed who begins dating the guy of her dreams. Much like Fear, it becomes increasingly obvious to everyone (except for Tori) that homeboy is crazy. #banallmen

Paving the way for Lifetime's next wave of "unauthorized" stories (Full House, Beverly Hills 90210) was the network's had-to-be-stoned idea to tell the behind the scenes drama of Saved by the Bell. Basically they cast a bunch of 99 cent store knock-off Tiffani Amber Theissens and Mark Paul Gosselaars to play out the rumored tensions between the cast while Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison" played, insulting everyone in the process. 

Sexting in Suburbia (also known as Shattered Silence) tells the story of a grieving mother who is hell bent on getting revenge for her daughter's death. Via flashback, we learn that the popular daughter, after sexts to her boyfriend leaked, became the pariah of her high school. Basically, the whole movie is a (very absurd) PSA against bullying. 

Okay, now this one is just poor taste, even for Lifetime. 

The Brittany Murphy Story allegedly tells the real story behind Murphy's tragic 2009 death. Framed as a murder mystery, it's filled with bad wigs, moral highgrounds, and poor casting choices. 

This should have put a halt to subsequent movies about Aaliyah and Whitney Houston, but of course it didn't. 

The biggest bummer about Lifetime movies is that they never have "light" premises—usually murder, abuse, rape, and a continual smattering of awful things go down in each one. They are so heavy-handed that they become unintentionally funny. Such is the case with She Fought Alone, starring Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Theissen) as a teenage girl who is cut off from her friends after she's raped by their other friend. 

Not a funny subject matter! 

But, rejecting a lecture from a well-meaning mother about her daughter's precious "reputation" with a "What planet are you from?" line?

Classic Lifetime.