David Letterman broke hearts across America tonight, when he gave his goodbye to late night television after 33 years of hosting The Late Show.
In his touching and hilarious last time hosting the show, Letterman brought together celebrities and fans, looked back on the show's best moments (and gags), and thanked everyone who made his long-running show possible. Here are the best moments from tonight:
The opening monologue:
Letterman opened with a great jab at himself: a montage of former U.S. presidents saying, "Our long, national nightmare is over." The montage, of course, ended with President Obama going, "Our long, national nightmare is over: Letterman is retiring," with a grin on his face.
In his opening monologue, Letterman took the stage and finally answered the question of what he's going to do after his retirement. "What am I gonna do now that I'm retired?" he told the audience. "By god, I hope to be the new face of Scientology."
He continued making fun of the moment and his goodbye—he showed the audience how he said goodbye to his staff, as a hologram projected above their desk (think like that hologram in Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers).
Letterman also wanted to let everyone know that Stephen Hawking called him, and said that he calculated that in 33 years on TV, or 6028 shows, "it works out to about 8 minutes of laughter." The crowd obviously went nuts with applause.
The Top 10 List:
One of the highlights of the show was his final "Top 10" list, or "Top 10 Things I've Always Wanted to Say to Dave." Alec Baldwin, Bill Murray, Chris Rock, Tina Fey, Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Peyton Manning, Barbara Walters, Steve Martin, and Jim Carrey all came out to chastise Dave and let him know how much they'll secretly miss him.
"Thanks," said Louis-Dreyfus, "for letting me take part in another hugely disappointing series finale."
Seinfeld said, "I have no idea what I’ll do when you go off the air. You know? I just thought of something—I’ll be fine."
Rock mentioned, "I’m just glad your show is being given to another white guy!" Letterman laughed from his desk and said, "You know I had nothing to do with that."
Reruns:
Dave showed clips from when he visited a local Taco Bell and pretended to take orders from the drive-thru, asking them customers if they were Mexican, trying to convince them to order a burrito for him, and asking customers to speak up to the point that they were shouting into the mic.
One woman started to catch on and asked him, "Are you Howard Stern?" SMH.
Closing out:
Letterman closed by taking the time to thank everyone involved in making his show—from Paul Schaeffer to the producers to the technicians. He especially wanted to thank the writers, who are "funnier and smarter than I am," and say that he's always wanted to do the shows they write for him.
He also thanked his wife and son who were in the audience. "Thank you for being my family. I love you both, and really, nothing else matters, does it?"
To his fans and the viewers of the show, he said, "There's nothing I can do to every repay you. You've given me everything."
"As the last thing I ever had to do on a television program," Letterman introduced the Foo Fighters with a story about how they once canceled a tour in South Africa to perform for him, and "we've been joined at the hip ever since." The song they closed out to was "Everlong."
"Thank you, and goodnight," said Letterman.
