For all of the many, many reasons you may need to call 911, using the emergency service to bitch about how your wife had stolen all of your coke isn't one of them.

An Alliance, Ohio man called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine and was then, in a surprise only to the man himself, arrested. 39-year-old Robert D. Collin was charged with two misdemeanor counts for improper use of the 911 system and possession of drug paraphernalia after cops discovered a bowl in his home. Collins was also wanted on a warrant for failing to pay hundreds of dollars from an earlier court case and cornering two people at the court house to explain his new real estate venture in Northern Mexico that he'd love for you to get in on the ground floor of for a small primary investment. 

Hanuman Welch is an Editorial Producer at Complex. You can follow him right here.