10 Signs That the NYPD Slowdown Has Gone Too Far

The worst-case scenarios of the NYPD slowdown.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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It's a good time to be a criminal in New York City. Angry cops, in an effort to discredit Mayor Bill de Blasio's ability to run the city he was elected to lead, have stopped doing their jobs. The New York Post originally reported that this "virtual work stoppage" had infiltrated all manner of crime from petty infractions to drug trafficking.

It all started two days after officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos were tragically ambushed in Brooklyn while sitting in their patrol car, and after Pat Lynch of the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association accused de Blasio of having "blood on his hands." The whole thing is probably a backdoor power grab orchestrated by people like Lynch, but who cares! Let's take advantage of the situation while we can and start breaking some laws. (Crime has been going down for way too long anyway.)

But we need to act fast. Cops will probably get super bored with this "not really working" business and suddenly find themselves, I don't know, protecting and serving. I mean, I'm guilty of phoning it in occasionally, but there are only so many "U Guessed It" Vines and cat GIFs with rainbows. Similarly, there are only so many donuts to eat, so many funerals at which to turn your back, and so much rhetoric to spin before you decide to change your underwear and get to work.

So let's start playing the NYPD's game and tear some shit up. But since we're all adults here, we need to know where to draw the line. Here are 10 Signs That the NYPD Slowdown Has Gone Too Far.

Lauretta Charlton is an Associate Editor at Complex. Follower her on Twitter at @laurettaland.

The "Loud Challenge" Will No Longer Be Challenging or Entertaining

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A Tidal Wave of Urine Will Flow Down Park Ave.

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Hipsters Will Get Drunk and Start Rapping in Public

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People Will Try to Ride the Subway Correctly

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Alternate-Side Parking Rules Will Be Suspended Forever

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The BQE Will Turn Into a German Autobahn (or a Deathtrap)

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Jails Will Become Ghost Towns and the Liberal Media Will Feel Duped

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Citizens Will Stop-and-Frisk Each Other For Fun

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Loosies Will Cost More Than a Soy Latte

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All Reason Will Go Out the Window

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