The 10 People You Can Expect to See at Every Office Holiday Party

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During the normal workweek, you may or may not have too much interaction with the person in charge. Often, bosses hole up in their offices and find something more important to do. They’ll say it’s meetings and paperwork, but the rest of the office suspects that there may be an addiction to Solitaire. 

Whatever your boss acts like at work, the holiday party may change your point of view on the person who hands you your paycheck. Maybe he or she is a super cool person who has to act tough to make sure that work gets done—or maybe not.

What a terrifying position to be in: You’re the newest person on the team, you’ve only worked there a few weeks, and the office party is mandatory. You don’t know anyone in the room, and the woman whose lunch you accidentally ate out of the fridge—because you have the same initials, not because you’re a monster—continues to give you the stink-eye. It feels like your first middle school dance, except worse, because everyone else is familiar with each other.

There’s always one—the person who can’t really dance but don’t know when to stop because it’s their secret passion. Maybe it’s the holiday joy, but when “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” comes on, they can’t contain themselves any longer. Often, they’re the only ones dancing, but they don’t care. They have one motto: Dance like nobody is watching. Everyone is watching though, except when they experience so much second-hand embarrassment that they have to look away.

Her desk has had a miniature Christmas tree on it since the day after Halloween. She’s been lighting a candle for every day of Hanukkah, until the fire marshal explained it was a fire hazard and told her to cease and desist. She wears homemade holiday sweaters from her mother every day of December. She lives for this time of year, and, of course, she’s in charge of the Secret Santa gift swap. It’s kind of endearing, in a saccharine sweet way, but she will have tins upon tins of freshly baked cookies for everyone to take home.

Office romances either end well (happily married), or in a giant burst of flames and anger (and then you have to see them every day). That’s usually why interoffice dating is a big HR no-no. Still, it happens, because the heart wants what the heart wants, and the modern day Romeo and Juliet could be Robert from Sales and Jen from Customer Service. At the party, you’ll see two people cozying up. Are they dating? Are they about to begin dating? What is happening? The will-they-won’t-they will keep you entertained through the entire holiday bash.

It’s the holidays, but we don’t mean the Ghost of Christmas Past. Rather, we mean the dude who you spot and ask yourself, “Does he even work here?” He’s kind of avoiding conversation and hanging out at the snack table. Did he just sneak in? Co-workers will explain that they “think his name is Eric or Tony...” and that “maybe he works in IT?” He’s pale, and his eyes are sunken. Finally, you work up the courage to say, “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Turns out that you’ve met him numerous times, because he’s been with the company for years. He has updated your computer for you six times within the past year. You excuse yourself out of embarrassment, but when you turn around to look for him, he’s gone.

We’ve all been there, but most people know to really control themselves at an office party. The “I’ll guess I’ll have one more” glass of red wine might send someone over the limit, and it’s all downhill from there. Just make sure that they have a safe ride home, and always tell them no if they ask, “Did I do anything embarrassing last night?”

This guy really doesn’t want to be at this party. He’ll sip his drink and leave as soon as possible because he’s miserable. If it isn’t mandatory, he still seems to show up just so everyone knows that he’s miserable. If someone were to try to strike up a conversation, he’d probably reply, “I hate it here.”

She knows everyone’s business, and takes great pleasure in telling it. Her favorite things to say are, “Now, I’m only going to tell this to you,” to make you feel special—like you’re in on a secret. But don’t get it confused—you aren’t friends. If you tell her something about yourself then it’ll go around the entire office in a day.

Man, this is awkward. You got to party all night and your boss offered the clean-up crew a little bit of a bonus if they’d take care of everything post-party. You awkwardly meet their gaze as your slosh some of your drink on the carpet. The look of defeat in their eyes—do something nice and leave a present for the guy who empties your trash bin every day.