Slacker Cinema: 10 Pearls of Wit and Wisdom From "Clerks"

Image via Complex Original

Dante's catchphrase is a glorious rallying call for working whiners everywhere, and an apparent explanation for all his worldly hardships, whether real or imagined. Originally drafted in to cover a colleague's morning shift, which careens into an all-day deal, Dante pulls out this line or variants thereof no less than five times throughout the movie.

Video store clerk Randal is in many ways the Yang to Dante's depressed Yin. Ever philosophical on relationship matters, he's never afraid to admit to his kinks, whether it's citing autofellatio as a perfectly vanilla male rite of passage, or proudly watching hermaphrodite porn he rented from rival chain Big Choice (because the choice at his store sucks) as he minds the Quick Stop for Dante. “What are you watching?” asks Dante's ex. “Children's programming.”

It wouldn't be View Askew without a Star Wars conversation, and Clerks set the tone that would follow for a decade with this doozie where Dante and Randal argue the merits over which is the better sequel. True to form, downer Dante claims The Empire Strikes Back is the best due to its depressing ending, which reflects life's inherent disappointment, while Randal argues for Return of the Jedi's hidden depths by claiming that the independent contractors employed to build the second Death Star were the innocent victims of “left-wing militants.”

At one point in Clerks discussion turns to matters of clientele. Randal states that “this job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.” Almost anyone who has worked in the service industry has probably had days where they could relate to this statement. A mantra for struggling McJobbers, Clerks proceeds to treat us to a montage of customer stupidity that rings almost too true.

As Randal is to Dante, Jay is to Silent Bob. The pair are slightly less cartoonish here than in their later appearances, where they would eventually evolve into the perpetually haze-dazed expy of Laurel and Hardy we know and love. Jay's nonsense singing brought to the world the concept of 'noinch,' a meaningless etymological invention that nonetheless seems to sum up his happy-go-lucky life philosophy like his own personal Gauranga. It's such a fun word to say, you'll be dancing outside stores to Stabbing Westward remixes in no time.

This line proves that Dante needs Randal like Calvin needs Hobbes. He's there to pull Dante out of his funk by introducing a little risk in his life. Randal's outright hostility towards his customers and unwarranted self-assurance is a hilarious distillation of slacker culture. Randal is so ludicrously nonchalant about his job and prospects that he even spits water in a chatty customer's face to prove a point. He's a total dick, but we live through his surliness vicariously because we admire his devotion to said dickery.

Dante has barely started his shift before he is accused of being both a Nazi and a cancer merchant by an overzealous white shirt with an anti-cigarette beef and a penchant for Godwin's Law. The customer quickly raises a mob against the hapless clerk, who pelt Dante with cigarettes, while the customer encourages other customers to instead buy Chewlie's gum as an alternative. Dante's girlfriend Veronica arrives just in time to call out the righteous jobsworth as a disreputable Chewlie's rep, and the mob quickly reverts back to their nicotine cravings. It's one of the best riffs on mob mentality this side of The Simpsons.

“Thirty-seven,” corrects Randal. Dante has something of a weird shift on his not-quite day off (note: he's not supposed to be here today). His current girlfriend Veronica is pretty cool—she's faithful, she encourages Dante to study and improve himself, and generally looks out and cares for him a lot, but he can't get over her most recent mind-blowing carnal admissions. Meanwhile, his ex, Caitlin, has indulged in vigorous rigor mortis stall sex, (what Randal refers to as “bathroom bam bam”) in perhaps the worst case of mistaken identity in cinema history. Dante's earnest regaling of this event to Randal makes it laugh-out-loud funny.

One of Dante's biggest disappointments as his morning shift spirals unexpectedly into afternoon is that he will end up missing his much anticipated hockey game. Spurred by Randal, he decides to take matters into his own hands and closes the store to play hockey on the roof with his buddies. They get about 12 minutes before the puck goes missing, but nonetheless it's an important moment for Dante, who is generally not one to instigate such acts of defiance.

Silent Bob's only line in the film is, as ever, typically sagacious. He tells this to Dante after he expresses doubts over whether he should stick with current better half Veronica, who he is beginning to doubt given his insecurities over her impressive oral history, or go back to his old girl Caitlin, who cheated on him constantly. Suffice to say, it's Bob's lasagna line that lets in the light.