How to Get Bill Murray to Come to Your Event

Does your bar mitzvah need more Bill Murray? Here's how to increase your chances of making that happen.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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When you talk about your first apartment in New York City, the conversation quickly devolves into a version of Monty Python's Four Yorkshiremen sketch: 


“You lived in a drug dealer’s closet? You were lucky! I would have thought I’d have died and gone to heaven if I had my own door and access to discount narcotics.” 

Like everyone else who's ever lived in New York, my first apartment was terrible. The place was a shitty converted warehouse large, open loft space in Williamsburg off of the Hewes stop on the J train. By “off the Hewes stop,” I mean that the train literally stopped a couple feet from my window. My room was a plywood closet so small that I had to keep my desk on top of the closet on a platform only accessible by shoddy wooden steps. A fat orange cat would fall through the steps and onto me as I slept. One of my roommates, a tutor in his late 30s, would often come home with friends at four in the morning, and they would proceed to smoke weed and play records until they passed out sometime around seven.

I don’t share this story in hopes of soliciting your pity. I'm simply providing you with some important context. The soiled look of the place would've really been thrown off by any additional artwork, so it was probably for the best that there was only one photograph on display in the entire apartment: a Polaroid instant photo of Bill Murray standing in the middle of in rowdy group of millennials ... in that very apartment.

No, I never partied with Bill Murray, but I lived where Bill Murray once partied. Just as New England is filled with plaques telling you where George Washington slept, and the South is lined with signage recounting the movements of this or that Confederate general, Brooklyn loft spaces are filled with evidence of Murray sightings.

Bill Murray has established himself as the aging elder statesman of comedy with a two-pronged attack on the culture. He has consistently chosen dope indie comedies to infuse with his brand of heartbreaking melancholy comedy and he made a habit of turning up in the most random of places much to the delight of social media. Murray has not limited himself to hipster loft parties. There are reports of Murray popping up in engagement photos, at bachelor parties, and on construction sites.

Bill Murray has convinced us that he could show up anywhere at any time.

Are these appearances random? Or is there some rhyme or reason to Steve Zissou’s journey through bohemian ragers and other peoples' special moments? Is it possible to put yourself in the best possible position to have Bill Murray crash your event? It can’t hurt to examine the evidence and see if it’s possible. Really, we should all be maximizing the chances of having a close encounter of the Murray kind, shouldn’t we? For those of you who want nothing more than to see America’s favorite hang dog expression appear on your doorstep, here is How to Get Bill Murray to Come to Your Event.

Throw a Brooklyn House Party in 2008

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The high tide of Murray’s random public appearances was in 2008. The set-up would make a good Bill Murray movie: after a divorce from his wife of a decade, Murray hits the dive bars and house parties of Brooklyn, hangs out with MGMT (before you scoff, remember his was 2008—prime "Electric Feel" time), and basically lives the life you moved to New York to live. This is the era documented in my first apartment's Polaroid, and one that is likely documented in various antiquated photographic forms from Bushwick to Bed-Stuy.

The other high-point for Brooklynite Murray sightings was 2013, when he was in town filming St. Vincent. Like most sequels, this wave of Murray sightings wasn’t nearly as good as the original. There wasn’t the same late-night dive-bar crawling that you saw in '08. This time around, Murray was sighted more often at restaurants and hipper tourist attractions and less often at post-collegiate bacchanals. That isn’t to say that there weren’t some great Murray moments. One tweeter reported being quizzed on '80s rock trivia by Murray.

It's unclear how many more times Murray will play Sasquatch to the Brooklynite hipster set, but no matter how often he pops up in lofts and speakeasies, it won't be quite like it was back in '08. In several years, when Murray starts making appearances in Brooklyn yet again, we will tell our hip younger siblings that we remember when spotting Bill Murray in public really meant something.

Make a Mess

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Do Boring Sh*t in Charleston, South Carolina

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If you are into minor league baseball or getting married, you should try to meet Bill Murray in Charleston, South Carolina. Murray is co-owner and “Director of Fun” for the Charleston River Dogs (Class Single-A South Atlantic League, an affiliate of the Yankees). According the RiverDogs’ website, “Far from an absentee owner, Bill can be seen at 'The Joe' on any given night. In recent years, Bill has caught and thrown out ceremonial first pitches and coached first base.” 


Image via Charleston RiverDogs

If you aren’t a big baseball fan, have no fear, all you have to do to get Murray to cross your path is get hitched. Last May, Murray became a viral sensation for the umpteenth time by crashing an engagement photo session. Murray crashed a bachelor party shortly thereafter. He gave the group a rousing speech that began with, "You know how they say funerals are for the dead, not for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they're for the unmarried." 

See the rest of his speech here.

Yes, it seems that Murray is very much into doing lame shit in South Carolina. He has even gotten down to “Turn Down For What” at a birthday party there. It would be hard to forgive that behavior in anyone else, but for Bill, we'll let it slide.

Attend Festivals

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Golf

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This might be the most painful way to connect with Bill Murray. While the great humorist of the late 1800s, Mark Twain, referred to golf as “a good walk spoiled,” Bill Murray takes the opposite view. Caddyshack, it seems, was a labor of love.

At least the intense monotony of golfing might actually be broken up with Murray in tow. If you golf with Murray, he might make it rain pencils...


Via SBNation

Or pause to get some back work done...


Image via Yahoo

Or take a golf cart for a joyride through the streets of Stockholm.


Image via Fox News

But again, you need to understand that this isn’t some bit. This is not an example of the irony that us millennials are so fond of. Murray loves golf. He loves golf so much that there have been enough golf photos taken of him to allow for the creation of a “50 Greatest Bill Murray Golf Images” gallery. That means that there are other images that didn't make the list. That is a lot of golf.

You have been warned.

Name an Event After Him

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You would think that a man as enigmatic as Murray might also be elusive. You would be kind of wrong. Not everyone who seeks out Murray’s favor is graced with his presence. Murray will not be down with cornball shit like this.


Image via Imgur

Some people try, but just not hard enough.


Image via Gawker

But, if you expend real time and energy to put together a cool Murray-branded event, there is a chance that the man might appear in the flesh. Joe of CVTS Soft-serve  (LA-based and 5-stars on Yelp, BTW) heard that Murray was in the neighborhood working on a film and took action. CVTS became the host of an impromptu ice cream social for cast and crew, and yes, the guest of honor showed.

Do Dope Sh*t

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