Japan is a country of ancient culture, serene landscapes, cherry blossom falls and some of the weirdest shit you’ll ever experience. Seriously, you try and be nice and look past the stereotypes but then they come out with tentacle porn, malicious game shows and now, the strangest evening we’ve ever spent with a computer—let’s be honest guys, that’s saying something.

Hatoful Boyfriend (out today) is a game with a name that looks a lot like Hateful Boyfriend, which might be why a young video games reviewer would look at it quickly and decide it would be a funny game to play. Hatoful Boyfriend is not a funny game to play. Hatoful Boyfriend is a very strange game.

Picture the scene: you’re a human girl who (for some reason) lives in a cave; and you’ve been accepted to the prestigious St. PigeoNation’s Institute, which is a school for birds.

For birds.

Not just that…talented birds, these are the top of the pecking order, the feather in the haystack, the big-bird, if you will. And this year, you’re going to get one of those birds to be your boyfriend.  

You spend the game talking to different birds, making a few decisions about whether to engage them, contradict them, get in-between their fights and admit your love for them, then, at the end, you give them beans on a special bean giving day to show you like them.

Playing a lonely girl, coupled with the pink branding, we get the feeling Hatoful Boyfriend might be aimed at the female demographic. Getting such an, er, insight into the Japanese female pigeon-seducing pick-up artist is a rare thing, so we thought we’d share with you everything we learned about love from Hatoful Boyfriend.