10 Types of People You Meet at the Club

Image via Complex Original

Thanks to Jersey Shore, The Bro is becoming a cliché—certainly those types of guys don’t exist anymore, right? Who would identify with a culture that insists on harmful fake tanning? And yet, like vampires, they keep appearing in the night, with slicked-back hair and a thirst for techno beats and strobe lights. The plus side is that they live by a certain set of rules known as "The Bro Code," putting their fellow bros before anyone else.

The Pickup Artist would love to let people believe that all the females in his phone are future conquests and not extended family. He’s the guy who buys drinks for any girl he sees, then walks away dejected, but no less hopeful that someday it’s going to work. And as long as he’s polite, he’ll always be invited to ladies’ night.

Some say that The Crying Girl started the myth of the banshee. The truth is that she was just in need of a good time. She’s over the drama; she’s going to dry her tears and enjoy herself. No more waterproof mascara.

If you don’t have the privilege of being a woman, then you’ll never experience the true meaning of friendship (a.k.a. migrating to the bathroom together). And it’s even better in the club. There is never drama in the bathroom. Girls share compliments, advice, and someone always has gum. Men are afraid to glance sideways in the bathroom. The Pack is the strongest in the club.

There are two types of girls who are just in the club to dance: the first is a member of a hip-hop dance crew who always turns it on and looks fierce as heck, scaring others from entering the floor—her turf. The second kind are the girls who are just there to dance in a circle with their friends. They just need to forget the world for a while and do some Dirty Dancing therapy.

What does The Guy on the Grind do on his free time? What’s he do outside of the club? He lives for the nightlife, but somehow he has to make a living, right? No one can go out from Friday’s happy hour until Sunday brunch—except true heroes.

There’s always a man with the salt-and-pepper hair who has always been a bachelor type—a  regular George Clooney just waiting for the right woman to settle down with. He’s got a full-time job, health insurance, and hopefully no child around your age.

There’s only one thing worse than witnessing your friend become one half of a face sucking couple, and that’s waking up and realizing that you were that person. You met someone that night and basking in the PDA glow seemed like the right choice, but it wasn’t pretty for the rest of the club.

With the invention of the cell phone, shy people who are incapable of thinking of small talk for the entire night seek solace in texting. However, it’s best to stay to the side of the club instead of in the middle of the dance floor checking your Twitter and acting like you have someone very important to text while Beyoncé is playing. No one is more important than Beyoncé.

The cries of, “Oh, my God! I love you so much! Why don’t we hang out more!” are heard loud above the beat of the music. They’re the friendliest, they create the most memories, and they’ve always got a plan for which bar to hit next.