9 Reasons Why America Is The #1 Tech Country In The History Of Planet Earth

Japan likes to think they're the top tech nation, but that's only because we let them.

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Image via Complex Original
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Okay, so maybe the good 'ol USA isn't #1 at soccer...but who cares about soccer? After Tuesday's result, certainly not most Americans. We're too busy being the #1 militaristic power in the history of the world, the #1 economic power in the history of the world, and the planet's leading technology innovator to lose sleep over some damn Brazilian footy tournament.  

Today marks America's 238th birthday, and to celebrate the triumph that is the United States we're going to show you why our country isn't just the best at wars, real sports, obesity, and spying, but why we're actually the greatest tech nation on earth as well. South Korea, Sweden, and Japan don't have shit on a country technologically advanced enough to offer its people THREE different types of Doritos-flavored taco shells.

So to celebrate our collective technological might, we present the 9 Reasons Why America Is The #1 Tech Country In The History Of Planet Earth.

The Entire 20th Century

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Tech Companies

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The United States is home to 8 of the top 15 tech companies. 

Samsung may be "number one", but South Korea only has one other company in the top 15. We're not even going to get into how Apple's innovation is a big reason for the success of some of the other companies, this is all about total domination of a market.  

Space

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Hollywood

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Just look at the list of top grossing movies of all time.  

America dominates this category. We've been perfecting the science of unnecessary car explosions and CGI children's movies for decades now, and at this point it's not even really a contest. Even foreign visionaries like Canada's James Cameron can't get their projects done without partnering with American companies, hiring American actors, and filming in American locations.

 

Weapons

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There's a reason why our nation has gone into catastrophic debt why America has all the latest and greatest military weaponry. We pay for it. Did you know we spend as much on defense as the next 8 countries combined?  

You may think that's a colossal waste of resources or think that money should go to different places, but regardless of what you think the USA has giant fucking ray guns and a lot of our enemies don't. United States Iron Man suits? They're already in development.  

For real.

Freedom forever.

Social Media

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Mobile Phones

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Look at that list.  Notice anything about the two countries ahead of the United States? They've literally got about a billion more people each than America does. Yet there is the USA, close in third with an average of 103 cell phones for every 100 people.  

And don't start looking at Brazil and Russia as being in the same mobile sphere as the United States-- we use real phones.  Check this out:

 

Only 36% and 37% smartphones guys?  What is this, 2004?  Get on our level.

Surveillance

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WE INVENTED THE INTERNET

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What was that thing called with all the websites and social networks that gave nearly everyone on planet earth access to the answers to every known question in the history of mankind? Oh, right...THE INTERNET. America invented that. Take it away, Wikipedia:

The history of the Internet begins with the development of electronic computers in the 1950s. Initial concepts of packet networking originated in several computer science laboratories in the United States, Great Britain, and France. The US Department of Defense awarded contracts as early as the 1960s for packet network systems, including the development of the ARPANET (which would become the first network to use the Internet Protocol.) The first message was sent over the ARPANET from computer science Professor Leonard Kleinrock's laboratory at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) to the second network node at Stanford Research Institute (SRI).

So you're welcome, world. Consider it a gift.

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