Isn’t Father’s Day just another one of those made-up holidays fueled by consumerism and market trends? Probably. But it’s also a perfectly suitable time to remind your dad of some important facts:
That 1. You actually turned out to be a thoughtful human being that contributes to society and plans ahead accordingly for national holidays.
2. You did eventually get a haircut AND a real job.
And yes, of course, that 3. You love the guy.
Naturally, this doesn’t just apply to the dude who raised you. Any human that has gifted you with fatherly advice and guidance deserves some recognition. And any dad, father figure, step uncle, or spiritual advisor would be proud (and stoked) to get one of these kickass presents.
Meats
Meats
It’s the fuel of a true warrior. Be it road trip jerky, a prime sirloin to toss on the grill, or maple smoked bacon for Father’s Day breakfast, his wise, old taste buds will thank you.
Hooch
Hooch
Whiskey might just be man’s greatest triumph, so why not gift a bottle to your greatest man?
“Bourbon again?” said no one ever.
A Proper Belt
A Proper Belt
You certainly can’t wear pleated khakis without a good belt. And any belts your dad owns are probably still the same ones he had when you were a child. Time for an upgrade. At the very least, it will keep his pants at a respectable fatherly level all day.
A Fine Cigar
A Fine Cigar
If your old man is a fan of the celebratory smoke stick, then you can’t go wrong with a gourmet cigar. You know it’s a good one if it’s tightly rolled and tastes like success.
A Cowboy Handkerchief
A Cowboy Handkerchief
Be honest, the only person you’ve ever seen use a handkerchief is your dad. First it was weird (wait, you keep that in your pocket?!), but then it seemed kind of cool (not to mention eco-friendly). Now you’re old enough to know it’s the sign of a true gentleman. And it’ll make him feel like an outlaw.
Dangerous Tools
Dangerous Tools
Your father is a man of discerning tastes, but he still loves the simple joy of making one thing two things. Long live the wood shed.
Tunes on Vinyl
Tunes on Vinyl
Dads love jams (and, subsequently, air guitar). Track down a record from one of his favorite old artists and let the man listen to the album just like he used to. With super poor-quality sound.
Beard Stuff
Beard Stuff
Taking care of facial hair is supreme dad business. Toss your dad a personalized safety razor, some cedar-scented beard oil, or a tricked-out trimmer and you might get a glimpse of the elusive smile he hides behind that stately growth.
A Robot
A Robot
Toys, drones, Roombas, doesn’t matter—Dads have a weird fascination with all things artificial intelligence. Get the man something he can program and watch his inner kid come out to play.
Treat Him to a Table Game
Treat Him to a Table Game
Yes, his card shuffling is more show than skill. And true, you can easily beat him in Blackjack. But he doesn’t have to know either of those things today.
Fireworks
Fireworks
Dads are total pyromaniacs. If your state allows it, grab your pops a nice assortment of the good stuff and set off some sparks in the backyard like old times. Or inside. If you’re up for it.
A Smart Cardigan
A Smart Cardigan
Is your father the kind of man who ponders deep thoughts in a home office full of mahogany furniture? Does he want to be? Get him a starter sweater. If he doesn’t want to wear it, he can drape it across the back of a chair like nobleman that he is.
Brewskis
Brewskis
If all else fails, pick the man up a 6-pack of his favorite celebration beer. Just let him know, in this case, on this day, you’re celebrating him.