Guess who’s back in the motherfucking house with a new topic to bitch about at a click of a mouse? So, I don’t have a problem with memes in general. As you could all see from the ones generated about Sister Swift Kick and her assault on Jay Z a week ago, the Internet can be a brilliant, sarcastic, and all around hilarious place where safe levels of jackass behavior can reign supreme. But, just like going raw during sex, some of you sum’bitches forget your limits and the consequences that come with exceeding them.
In this case, your genitals may not be burning by way of your obsessive meme antics, but you’re irritating the living hell out of my eyes with this “This Could Be Us, But You…’’ meme.
Like many of you, I’ve seen it all at this point.
“This Could Be Us, But You Ain’t Got A Job.”
“This Could Be Us, But You Cheated On Me.”
“This Could Be Us, But You Got A Credit Card In My Name and Didn’t Tell Me.”
“This Could Be Us, But You Fucked My Sister and Play Cousin.”
“This Could Be Us, But You Ate Those Cheddar Biscuits I Specifically Saved For Me.”
“This Could Be Us, But You’re Going To Jail…Again.”
And so forth.
You know why y’all aren’t the make believe couple in the picture you think y’all could be? Oh, I don’t know, let’s start with the fact that you’re bitching about your S.O. on the Internet instead of telling them what you think and working to fix the problem.
Okay, filling up my timelines across all social media was okay for a few days (really just a few weeks, but I’m in a good mood so I’ll let it go), but this must end for various reasons. Starting with: the shit has run its course. As in, “This Could Be Us, But You…” is now the crunk music of memes. Much like Lil’ Jon, the universe is about to put you and your shtick on a forced timeout.
Hate to be all there is no Santa Claus and Jesus didn’t look like a member of One Direction on you, but do you know how silly some of you look when you put up a picture of Beyoncé and Jay Z swimming in a pool probably made up of the Virgin Mary’s tears and saying, “This could be us but you…”
Yo, you probably couldn’t be Beyoncé and Jay even if you found her bra and an old pair of this rich man’s draws at the local Goodwill. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about people reaching their inner Beyoncé—within reason.
If we’re really keeping it funky, this is nothing more than a subtweet with a picture and ugly font. Yes, passive aggressive behavior is, was, and forever shall be all the rage on the Internet, but it can also be quite obnoxious. You know why y’all aren’t the make believe couple in the picture you think y’all could be? Oh, I don’t know, let’s start with the fact that you’re bitching about your S.O. on the Internet instead of telling them what you think and working to fix the problem.
Both men and women do this, so trust me when I say I’m being neutral when I deem this “bitch shit.”
Not to get all Steve Harvey on you because I actually like my suits to fit me, but cut it out. Or better yet, even if you think I don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to relationship advice (fair), let me be clear about this: This meme is over and it ain’t hot no more. Move on to the next gimmick.
Now take care of yourself… and each other.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
