WrestleMania 30 needs to be a big deal.

The WWE just sold most of us on the WWE Network, it dragged Hulk Hogan out of purgatory aka TNA, and has a star-studded group of past Superstars and Divas set for the Hall of Fame.

The Ultimate Warrior and Jake The Snake Roberts are dope, but Mr. T is going in y’all. I pity the fool who doesn’t understand why that’s awesome.

Many times the loyal members of the WWE universe are displeased with the decisions made by the folks who conjure up the story lines. Fans tried to hijack a recent episode of Raw to demand Daniel Bryan get some love.

Because of this dynamic, we took matters into our own hands. With WWE 2K14 as our instrument, we took control of the card in New Orleans on April 6.

Consider this the “What Should Happen” version of WrestleMania 30.

Here’s how the eight-match event transpired.

The Shield vs. The New Age Outlaws and Kane
 

You know how the ring announcer used to give the combined weight of tag teams? Imagine if they started giving out combined ages. This New Age Outlaws and Kane team might set some kind of record. All together, this trio is 140 years old. Something about that just ain’t right.

As a matter of fact, Billy Gunn and Road Dogg are older than the three members of The Shield combined (90-84). 

At any rate, The Shield is about ready to disband. The WWE writers have been trying to throw us off the scent with the crew showing new-found solidarity. 

I ain’t buying it. 

Thus our creative control over WrestleMania 30’s opening match is sort of like a prediction too.

These guys are about to go their separate ways and Dean Ambrose is going to be the one to initiate it. At some point in this match, something like this is going to happen…

Kane will flop on top of the downed Shield member for the pin. What will come of this? Of course, we’ll have to wait for Monday to watch Raw to see for sure.


The Divas Invitational

Let’s face it, aside from A.J. and Naomi’s tantalizing figure (am I the only one who digs her?), the Divas division is terrible. This match could be OK, but somehow it seems destined to be ruined by mediocre performers.

 Here’s how we can hopefully save this match from armpit city.

Tamina Snuka might just have some upside as a performer. Let’s make her stop playing Virgil to A.J’s Ted Dibiase. Tamina and A.J. need to feud because the rest of the ladies can’t lace up A.J’s Chuck Taylors.

Of course, Tamina can’t get the upper hand just yet.

She needs to be double-crossed like this first:


A.J. vs. Tamina is an interesting feud and it would give the champion a chance to work in the ring with someone who could actually wrestle.

Andre the Giant Battle Royal

Initially John Cena said he was going to be in the Andre the Giant battle royal, but Bray Wyatt and his family started beating the hell out of him. I liked the idea of Cena in the match, so we decided to keep him in our version.

Relax Cena haters, we didn’t keep him in the match to win. The man who deserves a big push is Dolph Ziggler. Not only did Dolph win our battle royal, he kicked Superman man out to win it.

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