For some reason our small screens haven't been able to get enough of the White House. Right now we have some exciting shows all set in the same place with vastly different tones. There's House of Cards (high-stakes political thriller), Scandal (LOL, did that really just happen political thriller), and Veep (witty political comedy). House of Cards and Scandal are great, but we need a break from all of the murder and mystery for a few laughs. Fortunately, Selina Meyer and her band of foul-mouthed goons are back for another season.
Last night's season three premiere saw Vice President Selina Meyer in Iowa on a book tour politicking for a presidential run that the public has no clue she's actively seeking. The rest of her staff is back in D.C. for Director of Communications, Mike McLintock's wedding. Of course, nothing about the occasion is a fairytale. During the wedding Defense Secretary George Maddox resigns, which causes speculation that he may run for president. Controlled chaos ensues, thanks to Jonah Ryan, who reveals himself to be the man behind the "gossip-tainment" blog, Westwingman.net. As fans know well, whenever Jonah Ryan is on screen, expect Veep to hit its peak.
Although everyone on Meyer's camp can cut a man down with a couple calculated words, Jonah Ryan (played Timothy Simmons) is always the most keen on saying the things that are more gross and tactless than you thought were humanly possible. That said, he didn't disappoint last night.
Here are last night's best quotes from Veep's king of one-liners, Jonah Ryan:
"I got a jet here that could cut a fucking diamond."
"If it ain't one West Wing Man, it ain't no thing man."
"Women at a wedding are like ripe fruit ready to drop, and I am a sex wasp."
"My pheromones make bitches moan."
"Team Veep goes into melt down as Sec. Def. Maddox news breaks and upload the money shot!"
"You guys are just like two little pretty Easter eggs. Love to crack you open."
"It's a hashtag hurricane bitchtits!"
"You don't think you should go fist a chimp?"
"I'm leaving here with my head held high and my nuts hanging low on your mom's chin."
[GIFs via HBO]